Haunting Memories
by Giton
Summary: Sydney is injected by Raines. Jarod and Ms Parker help him with the aftermath
1. Haunting memories 1

Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
Title:Haunting memories  
Author:Giton  
Rating:R, I guess, some Angst involved  
Spoilers:Maybe Season 4, definitely "Junk"  
Keywords:Sydney's past  
Summary: Sydney is injected by Raines. Jarod and Ms Parker help him with the aftermath  
  
Haunting Memories  
By Giton  
  
The Centre, Sydney's office  
Raines had come to his office unannounced. Well, as unannounced as his squeaking oxygen-tank would allow.  
"What do you want, Raines," asked Sydney wearily. It had been a gruelling day, he had a splitting headache and by the looks of it Raines wanted to become the icing on the cake.  
First of all, Ms Parker, Broots and himself had returned in the early hours of the morning from San Francisco after "missing" Jarod again. Secondly, The new "project" didn't want to co-operate and Sydney was scared that if he didn't co-operate soon Raines would get his grubby hands on the boy and Sydney was all for not letting that happen. Thirdly, the new twins were behaving rather peculiar and Sydney couldn't understand why. Fourth, but not least, Ms Parker had asked Sydney to do some more checking on Jarod and was expecting him and Broots to have a meeting with her, about a new game-plan she had been thinking of, in about half an hour. No, Sydney was not in the mood for any social calls, or any calls for that matter, and certainly not any from Raines.  
Again he asked, "What do you want, Raines," when the other man didn't seem to be inclined to answer him the first instance.  
Raines looked at him through slitted eyes, his breathing heavy and rattling. Still he didn't answer. Sydney started to feel uncomfortable. He still had quite a lot of work to do before the meeting and wanted Raines out of the way so he could get on with it.  
"Raines, I am a busy man, I don't know about you, but if you have anything to say, say it or leave me, so I can get on with my work."  
"You, Sydney, have been a pain in my proverbial backside," Raines said to him almost in a hoarse whisper, "You have thwarted me again and again. Don't look at me so innocently, because you are not. I am quite convinced that it was you who has informed Jarod on several occasions that we were coming. Alas, I cannot prove that. But setting Ms Parker on me with your investigations, or should I say allegations, that was the limit.  
Since I have strong suspicions that you have outlasted your stay here, I think I have come up with an admirable solution to the whole problem."  
The grin he gave Sydney made the latter shift uncomfortably in his seat. Before Sydney could say anything, the door opened, as if on cue, and three of Raines' Sweepers entered the room.  
On a small gesture from Raines they advanced on a startled Sydney and without a word they hauled him out of his chair and moved him out of the room. Raines followed and closed the door behind them.  
  
The Centre, Ms Parker's office  
"Broots, where the hell is Sydney," Ms Parker wanted to know angrily, "Hadn't we agreed to have a meeting just about right now?"  
"Yes, Ms Parker, and I've been trying to reach him for the last half hour, but there is no answer from his cell phone or his phone in his office. I checked with Security and he hasn't left the building either. It's not like Sydney to just stay away without letting us know. Unless something urgent has come up and he hadn't had the time to inform us yet. I was just about to go over to his office to see what is keeping him."  
"We will both go and for his sake I hope he comes up with a damn good answer."  
She stormed out of the office with Broots trailing her.  
  
Sydney's office  
When they got to Sydney's office they found it empty. His jacket was still draped over the back of his chair and his cell phone lay on the table but of their owner there was no sign.  
"It must be quite an emergency if Sydney leaves here without his jacket. Can you see if he was working on something before he left?"  
Broots sat behind Sydney's desk. "The computer is still running and the file is still open at the case of the new twins. Other than that, I can't see why he would have left." Both looked around puzzled. This was not at all like Sydney. Even with an emergency on his hand he would have at least closed the file he had been working on. He was normally rather secretive on what he was doing.  
A sound from one of the wall grates attracted their attention and soon this was followed by the appearance of Angelo. He seemed to be in distress. Ms Parker walked over to him. "What's wrong Angelo? Do you know where Sydney is?"  
"Sydney hurt. Hurt real bad."  
"Where is he? How is he hurt?"  
Angelo cowered under her glare and repeated what he had just said, adding, "Mr Raines took him."  
"Where did he take him," Ms Parker tried to sound less angry so as not to aggravate Angelo too much.  
"Corridor 17."  
"Corridor 17? But that section is hardly being used, why would he take him there? Was Sydney hurt by Mr Raines?"  
Angelo nodded vigorously. "Sydney pain. Hurt bad."  
"That bastard Raines. Come on Broots, let's see if we can stop him," again she stormed out. Broots had trouble to keep up with her. Angelo ducked back into the air vent.  
  
The Centre, Corridor 17  
When Ms Parker and Broots got to Corridor 17 the whole place was dark. They wondered if they had heard Angelo right. It didn't seem as if anyone was here. While they were still contemplating which way to turn, Ms Parker thought she could hear muffled voices coming from the end of the corridor. Prompting Broots to walk with caution they proceeded stealthily forwards.  
She hadn't been mistaken. The closer they got to the end of the corridor, the clearer the voices became and the one they were hearing at the moment was distinctly Raines'. She held Broots back, wanting to find out what was going on before going in.  
"So, are you going to tell me how you have been contacting Jarod? I will get it out of you eventually anyway, one way or the other, with or without your full co-operation. No?" A loud smack sounded and a grunt of pain followed.  
"I don't know what you are talking about," Sydney's voice answered painfully, another yelp of pain.  
"Wait until the drug takes effect. You'll be singing to me shortly, if only to get another shot. Can you still remember it from the last time? You've had two now." Maniacal laughter sounded, "You think it might be a little too much? Don't worry, shortly you might even find it too little." Again came the laugh.  
Before Ms Parker moved forward she heard Raines say, "What do you know about Catherine Parker? And how much have you told her darling daughter, eh?" She stopped in her tracks, wanting to hear more. She could hear Sydney mumble something, but couldn't make out the words.  
"You claim you haven't said anything? Than why is she after my hide?"  
"Why shouldn't she?" A resounding slap sounded.  
"I have it from a reliable source that she had been digging in the cemetery. Also that she found some evidence of the staged killing. And you want me to believe that she didn't turn to you for answers? How much do you know?"  
Ms Parker thought it was a good time as any to step in. Before going in she drew her gun, not knowing what to expect and maybe have the added pleasure of shooting Raines, just for the hell of it. She kicked the door open and said, "Yes, tell me Sydney, how much do you know?"  
Raines turned with a look of surprise, followed by horror when he saw the gun in her hand.  
With a quick glance Ms Parker viewed the situation. Sydney was tied with his arms strapped to the armrests of a chair in the middle of the room. It was apparent that Raines or his goons had been roughing him up. A nasty cut over his left eyebrow was leaving bloody streaks down that side of his face. His breathing was ragged and it was obvious that he had trouble focussing. Behind the chair were two of Raines' goons, holding Sydney back against the chair, while the third was standing in front of the chair in his shirtsleeves. It didn't take an Einstein to figure out what his job had been in the proceedings. Raines stood to the front of Sydney near a table with syringes amongst other things and had an electric rod in his hand.  
"Move away from him. Over there, to the far wall and keep your hands where I can see them. The first to move will have my distinct pleasure of being shot and at the moment I feel very twitchy!" She had a nasty smile on her face. They did as they were told. "Broots come over here and help me unstrap Sydney."  
Broots moved over and did as he was told. Sydney's head started to droop forwards.  
Ms Parker barked a command, "Sydney, I need you conscious, so, don't you start fainting on me!" Sydney drew to attention with some effort, but saw the reason behind it. Broots worked quickly on the straps, careful not to hurt Sydney further. Finally it was done. He helped him stand and at first Sydney leaned heavily on Broots' shoulder, but sensing that the smaller man wouldn't be able to carry his weight he tried to straighten up. The effort nearly made him keel over, but he seemed to manage for the time being. Ms Parker, the gun still trained on the other four in the room, motioned Broots and Sydney out and turning to the others she said, "I hope you told someone that you were down here or else you might be in here for a long, long time. Bye!" She closed and locked the door behind her. Angry shouts issued from the room and a small smile touched her features.  
She found Sydney leaning with his eyes closed against the wall. It was obvious that he wouldn't stay conscious for much longer.  
"Broots, you take his other arm. We have to try and get him to the underground car park without anybody noticing us. I hate having to go through lengthy explanations at the moment." She took Sydney's other arm and together they managed to get the taller man to the elevator. Once inside they were all leaning exhausted against the wall.  
By a stroke of luck they arrived at the car park without being seen, where they bustled into Ms Parker's car and drove out of the Centre.  
  
Blue Cove, a cottage near the Lake  
The cottage Ms Parker had driven them to, had been her secret "hidey-hole" for a long time. She had used it every time life became a little bit too hectic, even for her liking. She had bought it in secret a long time ago, using outside agents and an assumed name. No one in The Centre should be able to suspect that this was hers and where she was at the moment.  
With difficulty they carried Sydney inside. The closer they got to the cottage the less coherent he had become. Only a sense of knowing that safety was near at hand, as long as he was able to stay awake, kept him going for a bit longer. Once inside he collapsed to the floor, nearly bringing the others down in his fall. For the moment they let him lie where he was, they themselves being too exhausted to move him just yet. Finally they got up and half-carried, half dragged his "dead" weight over to one of the bedrooms.  
Inside they laid him on the bed and start to take some of his clothes off. Broots offered to do this on his own, embarrassed that Ms Parker should do it, but she wouldn't hear of it. They took his shoes off, his trousers and his shirt. It was only then that the rest of his injuries became known. A large swelling and bruising over his left ribcage indicated that he had either some bruised, possibly even broken ribs. Two bruised puncture marks showed up on the inside of his left forearm. Ms Parker was unpleasantly reminded of Sydney's stay in the death camps when she saw the faded tattoo on the lower half of his arm and remembered that Sydney hardly walked around in his shirt-sleeves, even during warm weather. They had to wait until he reached consciousness again to know to full extent of his injuries. For the moment they covered him up with a blanket.  
Ms Parker said she was going to make some coffee while Broots sat with Sydney and kept an eye on him. Broots looked over at the older man who, for his age, looked quite vigorously, but now his face was frightfully pale and he seemed much older than his age. His breathing was laboured, but steady. He lay so still. Broots was worried and saddened to see him lying there. What would have happened to Sydney if Angelo hadn't warned them?  
Ms Parker came back carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of coffee and a bowl and a cloth, which she handed to Broots. Broots set about wiping the blood from Sydney's face. "How is he?"  
"I don't know, Ms Parker, he seems okay at the moment, but I'm no doctor. It doesn't look too good though."  
Ms Parker bit the back of her finger, "What are we suppose to do, Broots?"  
As if on cue her cell-phone rang. She frowned. Who could that be? "Parker!"  
"Ms Parker, how is he?" It wasn't difficult to guess who was on the other side of the line.  
"Jarod! How did you know...?"  
"How is he?"  
"We're not sure. Alright, I guess, but we're not sure."  
"Describe his symptoms to me, please." She did, not even caring how it was that he already knew something was wrong with Sydney. She would deal with that later. When she came to the needlepoint marks Jarod was getting quite upset.  
"Needle points?"  
"Yes, two. I remember Raines saying something about "the drug taking effect" and that Sydney would "sing" to him if only to get another shot. Oh, yes, and reminding him about another time. You don't think...?"  
She could almost hear Jarod gnash his teeth, "Yes, that's exactly what I think he did. I'm willing to bet that he injected Sydney with the same, by then experimental, drug he had used on him and on me nearly twenty years ago. Keep him warm, give him lots of liquids to drink and you might want to keep a bucket nearby, just in case (-Ms Parker frowned in disgust and glanced over at Broots-). Don't let him wander all over the place, you might even have to restrain him. Damn, there is no telling what it will do to him, not at his age. Don't worry, I'll be over shortly."  
He hung up before she could ask, how he knew where to find her or when he would be here. She closed the phone and stared in silence to the man lying on the bed.  
Broots was fidgeting. Ms Parker noticed his discomfort, "You pick up Debbie, Broots, and lie low for a while. Don't' come back to the cottage, but don't go home either. They might follow you or... Don't worry, I'll look after Sydney."  
  
The cottage, a little while later  
A motion on the bed stirred her from the light slumber she had fallen in. Sydney was regaining consciousness. He groaned but still had his eyes closed.  
"Sydney?" She waited, no response, a little louder, " Sydney, can you hear me?"  
Another groan than weakly, "A little water... please."  
She was relieved, he seemed to respond all right. She supported him while she gave him the water, "How are you feeling?"  
"Much as can be expected: aches, pains and bruises, the usual," he tried to laugh, but it ended in an agonized cough. Ms Parker wasn't convinced by his flippancy. It seemed to her that his eyes moved in and out of focus. Clear one minute and dazed and cloudy the next.  
"Can you tell me what happened?"  
"Raines had a bee in his bonnet and decided to pick a bone with me," again Sydney spoke with a joviality, which belied the present state he was in between small gasps for air.  
"Any aches or pains or... anything I should be aware of," Ms Parker asked cautiously.  
Sydney shifted his position on the bed and was unpleasantly reminded of the beating to his ribcage. The drug must be cloaking it partially from him. "Thanks God for small blessings," thought Ms Parker.  
He took a deep breath and his eyes squeezed shut, but whether this was from physical or mental pain wasn't clear. His hands, involuntarily, were plucking at the sheets. "Yes, you should be aware of something. It is rather embarrassing, but I think you should know. The Ba... Raines, he injected me with the same drugs they had tried on me some twenty years ago. Maybe not the same drugs, they might have perfected it since then, but I am well aware of the effects and they seem similar to what was given to me then.  
As well as I remember it gives the person a feeling of... clearness. Well, I think I am pretty lucid right now. It gives the feeling of mental superiority over anybody else. Aches and pains are forgotten. For about a couple of hours the person feels superb. Than the shivering begins. One feels hot and cold in turn. Hallucinations. The muscles cramp up, heart races, sweating starts, and one might even vomit. The pain is excruciating and can only be stopped by another dose of the drug and every time thereafter the body will demand more.  
Or one can ride it out. Depending on the amount given, how much used previously and on the person's physical being, it can be over in a couple of days or might take up to a week. The craving for the drug lasts for some time, depending on the amount taken, but can be easily done without if the subject is physically and mentally strong enough."  
It hadn't slipped Ms Parker's notice that he had spoken as if he was giving a lecture about an unrelated test case, deliberately distancing himself from it. "What about you, Sydney?" Ms Parker asked quietly.  
"I don't know. It could be over quite quickly. He only injected me once, so..."  
"Twice! Broots and I heard him say to you that he had given you two shots already."  
Sydney frowned, "I can't remember the second injection. He must have given me one when I was out for the count than or maybe, I... just don't remember it. Some parts are hazy.  
I can remember his goons frogmarching me out of the office down to one of the Sub-levels. They were very clever, nearly sandwiching me between them, making it look as if we were on our way to an emergency. Once we were down there, one of them hit me rather hard in the chest while the other two were holding me. Raines just stood there and grinned. They hit me a couple of times before strapping me to the chair. For no apparent reason Raines hit me hard with something -don't know what it was- over the left of my face. It was shortly after that, that he injected me with the drug.  
He accused me of tipping off Jarod and was wondering how I had done this. When I denied it he used the electric rod on me. I must gave passed out for a short time. If it is true that he injected me twice than that's when it must have happened. I think he mentioned something about me setting you on the trail of your mother's alleged killing and wanted to know more about it. I don't know what they would have done to me if you had not barged in." It was evident that reliving those painful memories were getting him in an agitated state, so Ms Parker left it at that and tried to calm him down.  
"How did you know where to find me? Angelo? Good boy! He must have gone through the air vent system. I think he knows the Centre better than we do," he gave another chuckle. It must have been the effect of the drugs that made it seem as if he couldn't relax.  
Ms Parker was curious about her mother, though. "Sydney, is my mother still alive? Do you know?"  
"Honestly, Ms Parker, I don't know. I would let you know if I did."  
"Like you have not been keeping that little secret that she was not killed outright from me all these years?" a touch of anger crept into her voice.  
"No, since you know that her killing was not real and that she had initially escaped the Centre I don't feel bound to keep her secret from you any longer. I do believe that the last DSA we saw, where Raines shot her after she gave birth to her son, was her real death."  
"Why did she let you know that she was escaping?"  
"We were very good friends..."  
"Just good friends?"  
"Yes, just good friends. She cared very much for the children and we even had spoken of trying to set the children free. Getting them to their real parents or maybe even setting up a school for them. Things just didn't work out that way. I regret that."  
"You, Sydney? Who stayed at the Centre for, what, over thirty years? I can't believe that."  
He looked hurt. "Someone had to make sure that they weren't treated too badly or worse. And than there was Jarod and you and later Angelo. I couldn't just abandon you all."  
"So it was pity for the poor children that kept you there?" she said with a sneer.  
He understood that she would never be able to understand his motivations. Hell, sometimes he couldn't understand it himself.  
"And because you care you still help me to hunt down Jarod?"  
"Yes, because I care."  
She snorted. "I wonder if Raines was right. Maybe you have been helping Jarod escape from our clutches and in some perverted way tagging along with us to see if he could escape."  
He said nothing. Whatever he said to her wouldn't reach her ears anyway. Besides, he could feel the feel-good-effect of the drug wearing off and wasn't sure for long he would be coherent enough to make sense even to himself. The pain started to creep in now and it wasn't a pleasant sensation.  
Ms Parker stopped scowling at him when she noticed that he seemed to be in discomfort. "You okay, Syd?"  
"Ms Parker as a tracker you're in your own class, but as a nurse... it sucks," he chuckled with a painful gasp and passed out.  
  
The Cottage, a little later  
After Sydney had passed out, she sat next to the bed for a while and dozed off again herself. A hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present. Her first instinct was to reach for her gun at the side.  
"Ah-Ah. Is that how you greet an old friend?" She looked up in the face of Jarod who had her gun dangling from his forefinger.  
"Give that back to me."  
"Not until you behave nicely to me. I think I keep this for a while."  
"How did you know where to find us?"  
"That would be telling would it? But don't worry, your secret is save with me. How is he?"  
"As you see him. A little while back he passed out. I think the effects of the drug are wearing off."  
Sydney moved restlessly on the bed. Jarod examined Sydney. "The cut over the eye is mainly superficial, but I'm willing to bet that it must have bled shockingly. I am worried about the bruise on his chest, though," he gently pressed the area and even in Sydney's semi-conscious state the brain registered pain and Sydney reacted to that with a soft moaning sound. "He might have one or more broken ribs or at least severe bruising and short of taping up the chest there isn't much we can do about it. We know it is not extremely serious, like broken off or pressing into the lung or else he would be coughing up blood by now. Further than that, only an x-ray could tell us more, but we can't do that until Sydney is free of the drug. There would be too many questions otherwise."  
He looked with sadness down on his former mentor. "Poor Sydney. Always trying to change the world for the better, but never really getting the hang of it."  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"Nothing in particular."  
A soft moaning sound came from the bed. Sydney was struggling towards wakefulness. His eyes snapped open and although he was looking straight at them, it didn't seem as if he was aware of them. There was horror written in his eyes and Ms Parker shuddered at the thought of what his eyes were seeing at the moment.  
  
Dachau concentration camp, November 1944  
Sydney was crouching under the floorboards where the camp-doctor had put him and his brother Jacob after they had been beaten and doused with water. They were naked and the November wind was howling around the cracks in the walls, which gave only the barest of protection. Sydney knew they had a hole drilled in the floorboards above their heads for "observation and study". He wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of showing how cold and miserable he was, not that he could do it without a lot of luck. His clattering teeth he couldn't control and he imagined it was loud enough to be heard on the other side of the camp.  
He could deal with the cold. Jacob was his first concern now. His brother lay only two feet away from him and was making keening noises to combat the pain. Being twins, the boys were much closer to each other than most other children and had an almost empathic bond. Sydney sidled over to comfort his brother. He had always been the mentally stronger of the two. Maybe his inner strength could help his brother feel the pain less severely. Movement over the cold, damp ground was slow and painful.  
Once close, he cradled the body of his brother in his arms and hoped he was able to give him some warmth. The keening noises grew softer and finally Jacob dropped off in an uneasy slumber. Sydney wasn't as lucky, so he slowly rocked his brother's form in his arms singing a lullaby softly to him.  
After a while even his small arms started to ache from the cramped position he was in and gently he lowered Jacob to ground, trying to lie as close to him as possible to keep the warmth up and to get some sleep in the progress. This wasn't much to the liking of the people watching from above and the trapdoor was opened to haul the two boys out. More beatings followed and the process was repeated again and again.  
  
The Cottage, early evening  
Sydney was moving quite restlessly on the bed now and Jarod needed all his concentration and strength to keep the older man down. Ms Parker fetched some more cold water to dampen down Sydney's feverish brow. He mumbled words in a muddled up version of French and German and she couldn't make head nor tail of what he was saying. Jarod tried to comfort him by speaking to him softly in French. Some of the words must have found their way in Sydney's fevered brain and he calmed down somewhat, but not for long.  
Finally Ms Parker couldn't stand it any longer and left the room. She had no problems watching people being interrogated and even killed, but she had never been very good around sick people and seeing Sydney's tortured struggles was too much to bear.  
  
A couple of days after the Allies liberated Dachau  
Sydney and his brother, like countless others, huddled by the side of the road just outside the camp. The Allies had just liberated the camp and people were just too stunned to believe they had been freed. To Sydney and Jacob it was as if they had been turned out of their house all over again, only this time their family wasn't with them. The realisation of being free, but orphans in a world which had more than their fair share of orphans had not sank in yet.  
Gratefully they accepted a big piece of chocolate from one of the passing soldiers. They split it between them and gulfed it down only to be violently sick when their stomachs rejected the rich food. Afterwards they felt miserable. At least they were together and had survived.  
Sydney looked around him at the human misery standing, sitting and lying in huddled groups. A fine rain had begun to fall, but nobody moved from his or her chosen spot. Although free, nobody cared. Some were trying to find family members or friends, most of them failing badly and feeling more depressed.  
Of course, they could have gotten back inside the camps and found shelter from the rain in the barracks, but many didn't dare to do so, just in case it was just a dream and when they woke up they would find themselves back in the camp. Sydney and Jacob were not excluded from that.  
Someone shuffled past them and Sydney looked up. A shock went through him. This was no inmate, even though he was dressed as one. This was one of the tormentors who had worked in the infirmary. A man who had performed his "work" with pleasure. Sydney cringed away. Every nerve in his body felt the urge to scream out the man's name, to let everyone know who he really was. But what if this was all a dream? Would he than not punish the boy? Or worse punish the boy through the brother?  
He felt his throat constrict, a whimper was let loose. The man turned his face in the direction of the two boys and smiled maliciously. He saw two near naked boys, shivering with cold, hunger and exhaustion and he was certain that they would not betray him.  
It was either the overwhelming fear Sydney felt or maybe just the grin the man had given him, but he screamed and screamed again...  
  
The Cottage, evening  
Sydney had been tossing and turning in the bed. At one stage vomiting violently. Luckily Jarod had been in time and made him throw up in the bucket, rather than soiling himself. The drug had dragged Sydney down in a hell of his own and there was nothing more Jarod could do other than try and comfort him. Hold him close and let him ride it out.  
Then Sydney became very quiet and moved into a foetus position, whimpering softly. He tried to move deeper into the bed. Hugging his arms around himself and holding his body tight. Nothing could prepare Jarod for the unexpected scream that issued from his lips. His veins stood out on his neck. "Dos ist Er! (-It's him-) Dos ist Er!" Sydney kept shouting. Jarod held him close until Sydney lapsed in a quiet sobbing.  
Ms Parker had stormed out of the kitchen, "What's going on? Was that Sydney?"  
"He's having a nightmare. I think he's back at the Camp again."  
"How long is this going to go on for?" she asked nervously while she lit a cigarette with shaking hands.  
"I have no idea. The drug is letting him relive those days again and there is no telling what it might do to his well-being. We can only hope that he's going to be alright once this is over."  
"Well, if it is alright with you, I need to step outside for a while. I can't stay and watch him suffer. I need some fresh air. Don't worry, I am not going to inform on you. I don't want to handle Sydney on my own and I definitely can't turn him over to the Centre. I won't be long." Without waiting for an answer she put her coat on and left.  
Jarod was left alone again with Sydney. He tried to get to older man to drink some water. The sweat was pouring off Sydney's face and his body felt hot to the touch. Some of the water found their way through the parched lips.  
For a little while his breathing seemed to become more regular. Than his eyes snapped open and were almost lucid. "Jarod, what are you doing here? If Ms Parker finds you here she will take you back to the Centre." He tried to push away from Jarod, looking furtively about, "Go now, while there is still time. I don't know where she has gone, but she mustn't find you here." His movements were becoming more erratic in his urge to make Jarod leave.  
"It's alright Sydney. She knows I am here."  
"How could that be?"  
"We're here to help you."   
"Help me? Why?"  
"You don't remember what Raines did to you?"  
"Raines? Yes, he..." Remembrance dawned and he buried his face in his shaking hands. "Yes, I do remember, but still you shouldn't stay. They will use me as a ruse to keep you here and than bring you back. No, I cannot allow that to happen to you. You will not be going back to the Camp. I am taking you with me and we will leave this horrible place. We will go back home and I will protect you. They are not going to hurt us again." He managed to sit up with the intention to leave the bed. Somehow he had muddled Jarod up with Jacob, his brother, and in his fevered dreams the urge to escape was strong on him again.  
"Sydney, stay still. Nobody is going to hurt me... us. You are safe now and we have to get you well."  
"No, you don't understand. She will want to bring you back! Let me get you out of here." His eyes were roaming feverishly around the room, but Jarod doubted that he actually saw the room. His mind was elsewhere and he flayed his arms wildly about him and then pushed himself away from Jarod in his urge to get away.  
"Sydney!" Jarod nearly screamed at him, "You are a very sick person at the moment. We can't let you go. Now will you go back to bed!"  
For a moment Sydney looked hurt and his face contorted in many different emotions. "Jarod... I..." he collapsed back onto the bed in a dead faint. Jarod moved closer and arranged him under the sheets again. Trying to keep him warm. Sydney started tossing and turning again.  
  
Swirling colours. Light and dark. The floor moving up and down like a ship. Footsteps behind him. Running footsteps. He couldn't let them catch him. A figure stood alone in the distance. Jarod! No, Jacob! Or... He couldn't let them take him, whoever it was. It was imperative that he made them move away from the lone figure. He ran to the left. The footsteps were coming closer and closer... He felt an arm on his shoulder and... awoke screaming in bed, sitting upright and seeing the concerned faces of Jarod and... Ms Parker?  
  
When Ms Parker returned it seemed to her that nothing had chanced. Sydney was still in the throes of unseen ghosts from the past. She shrugged her shoulders and walked further into the room. When she neared the bed Sydney seemed to get more agitated and when she touched his shoulder he came awake screaming. Exhausted he fell back in the pillows.  
"I think the worst is still to come," said Jarod, "we still have to monitor him closely for a while."  
"You mean it might get worse than this?"  
"Much worse."  
"Dandy! Just what I need. I think I will make myself a drink." Before Jarod could advice her against it, that it might be bad for ulcer, Sydney's voice drew him back to the bed.  
"Jarod?" came the hoarse whisper, "could I get some water, please?"  
Jarod smiled. He brought the glass to Sydney's lips. The older man sipped the cold water gratefully and lay back on the pillow again. His temperature seemed to be going down again.  
"You gave us quite a scare there. How are you feeling?"  
"I don't know. Wet, unwashed and exhausted. My chest seems to hurt a lot."  
"Yeah, I think Raines, or his men, must have cracked or bruised a couple of ribs there."  
Sydney grinned weakly, "I think you are right there. Surely feels like it." He coughed and winced in pain. "Better not catch a cold in a hurry, eh?" It seemed like he had his old sarcasm back and that was a good sign.  
"Would you like something to eat?"  
Sydney nearly looked green. The very thought...  
"You better rest now, Sydney, you'll need it." The older man complied, laid his head back against the pillows and was almost instantly back asleep again. He was still very weak, but his breathing was easier and more regular now.  
Jarod and Ms Parker ate their dinner in the bedroom, partly to keep a watch over Sydney. Conversation was strained and kept to the barest minimum and for a while the only sounds in the room were the clicking of cutlery on plates and Sydney's shallow breathing.  
Towards the end of their meal Jarod noticed a sudden change in Sydney's breathing. It came in deep, rapid shallow breaths. He dropped his cutlery on the plate and moved over to the bed. A fine film of sweat had appeared on Sydney's brow again. His hands were clutching at the sheets. His eyes were closed, but there was rapid movement under the eyelids. He had started another of his dreams again.  
  
Dachau, August 1944  
Jacob and Sydney had decided to escape. They knew that if they were to be caught certain death awaited them, but anything was better than this... unliving. Not a lot of planning went into their plan. They couldn't ration any provisions to take with them on their flight, not with the meagre amount that was given to them daily. The weather was fine, sleeping in the forest or even in the open shouldn't be a problem. Their whole family was dead now, so they only had each other to care about. If they didn't leave too soon it would be over for them as well.  
On the few occasions they had been allowed out, they had noticed that the area behind the barracks were less closely guarded when the adults had been sent on work-details and the children were only given a cursory glance. It could work. The only thing that could possibly stop them from putting the plan into action was if one of the experiments they were conducting on them was of a crippling nature; it was better not to dwell on that aspect lest they brought it on themselves.  
Their chance came towards the middle of August. It was a hot, sweltering day and they were allowed out. Because of the heat the guards were really not interested in anything other than to find some shade to stay cool. For a while they watched the two boys playing a form of hide and seek, clearly enjoying the short time out of their cage. They noticed them flitting backwards and forwards behind and in front of the barracks. They were amazed that two children, mere ghosts of themselves, could bring up the enjoyment and the energy to play, certainly in this weather and this setting.  
After a while they got bored watching them. Sydney and Jacob noticed this too and saw their chance to make true their escape. As fast as their weakened legs would allow them they ran to the end of the enclosed area behind the barracks and tried to get under the fence before anybody could notice them. By sheer luck they managed to get past the first fence unnoticed and were almost clear past the outer fence when someone shouted orders to let the dogs loose. Sheer terror of being caught gave their feet wings and they got to the edge of the tree line.  
They just ran, Sydney slightly ahead of Jacob. He could hear the laboured breath of his brother close at his back. Further back, in the distance, they could hear German commands being shouted and the barking of the dogs. They tried to run faster. Than Jacob let out a shout when he fell over the root of a tree. Sydney stopped in his tracks and ran back towards his brother who had fallen on the forest floor.  
Jacob got up, but it was quite clear that the fall had robbed him of much needed energy, luckily he hadn't hurt himself too much. Sydney urged him to run on, hearing the shouts and the barking getting closer. Jacob ran, but was again flagging behind. "You try and make it, Sydney, I am only holding you back," he wheezed.  
"No, I won't leave you. Come on! There is still a chance."  
But luck had run out of them, if it had been there in the first place. It had been nice to taste a little bit of freedom, too bad it had been snatched away from them so quickly. The guards caught up with them quickly and before they knew it they were back in the camp again where they marched them back to the infirmary.  
The Doctor looked at the two little boys, all grimy and looking very miserable.  
"So, you wanted to leave us? Do you know how we punish little boys who want to leave when we didn't give them permission to leave?"  
The two looked up frightened into the man's face, but didn't even let out a whimper. In a way the Doctor admired their small courage.  
"We shoot them. BANG! Dead! That's what we do with naughty little boys. But I have another idea. You are twins, yes? If we shoot you, you might think to be free of us. If we let you live, you might want to attempt to escape again. If we keep you two apart, you will be of no use of my experiments. On the other hand, if we keep you apart you might not want to escape on your own, but you still will be of no use to me. Now what shall I do?" He slowly paced backwards and forwards in front of the boys, than some thought brought a smile to his face as if he had come to a solution and he stopped pacing. He drew out his gun and slowly trained it first on Jacob and than on Sydney. Sydney straightened his back; he had no fear of death at that moment. The Doctor had been right in assuming that Sydney would be the more stubborn to deal with, but would never leave his brother on his own devices.  
"I could do this," said the Doctor and shot Jacob in the foot, who went down with a howl. Sydney immediately fell to his knees to comfort his brother. "That way I can insure that you two won't run away again."  
  
The Cottage, later  
Sydney was sobbing uncontrollably now. His head was tossing fretfully on the pillow. "No, Jacob, no!" Suddenly he cramped up and doubled over in pain. There was no telling if this was due to the nightmares, which still kept him captive or the effects of the drugs on his body.  
Jarod held the man close, drawing his pain onto himself. It took a while before the sobbing subsided and Sydney became calm again. Gently Jarod eased him back on the bed again.  
"I know you said it might get worse, but I had no idea it would be like this," Ms Parker said with scorn.  
"There is no telling how bad it will become. The images of his past are strong and at the moment he is very weak. We'll just have to ride it out."  
"Well, you can sit there and feel quite motherly, but I can't. This is too much. I need to go out."  
She stormed out. "Make sure nobody is following you when you come back," shouted Jarod at her back. He wasn't sure if had heard her over the banging of the front door.  
Not that he could linger long on Ms Parker's behaviour. Sydney's body became almost rigid on the bed and it was with difficulty that he was drawing breaths. When Jarod touched his shoulder it was almost like touching a slab of wood. It was obvious that he was trying to come out of his dream and not succeeding. Again Jarod spoke softly to him...  
  
The corridors of the Centre were ill lit and it seemed as if there was no end to them. They went on forever. Sydney stood with his back against the wall. Should he turn left? Or Right? Rustling sounds were all around him, but he couldn't see anything substantial.  
Suddenly the almost spectral form of Raines loomed up before him. His near skeletal face resembling the Grim Reaper... Chancing into the malicious sneering face of Krieg... Changing into the Grim Reaper himself who extended his skeletal hands towards Sydney, who wanted to scream... to run away, but who stood rooted on the spot, unable to utter a single sound.  
His muscles went rigid and his jaw-muscles ached with the strain of the inability to scream, to find any form of release. He felt as if his mind was going to explode, until...  
A soft voice called his name from the darkness. A soothing voice, a familiar voice. With an effort Sydney directed his thoughts towards this voice and slowly started to relax...  
  
All through the night he sat with Sydney. Holding the other man's hand. Giving him water to drink at intervals. Mopping his brow and comforting him. While Sydney went through a whole gamut of horrors in his mind.   
In the early hours of the morning the nightmares seemed to abate, which was a good sign. It had exhausted both men greatly. Jarod knew it wasn't over yet. More like the calm before a storm. The drug was not a kind guest and it wouldn't leave willingly. It was only a matter of time before it would erupt out of Sydney's body screaming. Jarod glanced over at the bed and saw the signs of the last onset.  
Sydney was twitching in the bed, as he had been doing all night, but it wasn't the nightmares of his past that haunted him now. His face screwed up in pain. One minute he was doubled over with abdominal pains and the next minute his body had arched to such an extent that most of his back didn't even touch the bed. His muscles all cramped up and his hands were like claws. Sometimes clawing the empty air sometimes hugging himself. His muscles became so tense that they felt like solid rock. Jarod was afraid he might snap something and do irreparable damage to himself.  
What made it all so eerie was that all through the proceedings he only expressed the intense pain he must be going through in soft moans that came through suppressed lips.  
Jarod hoped that Sydney had tried to keep in shape in all the years at the Centre, for if he hadn't he feared the worst. Detoxification of any drug was quite a strain on all the body parts, especially the heart. With this drug "detox" was even more of a strenuous affair. And Sydney must be pushing 60, if not older. Jarod realised in passing that he didn't even know how old Sydney was. He knew he had been a young boy when he was at Dachau, but how young... He didn't dwell on it too long when Sydney was having another bout again and he had to use all of strength to keep the older man down.  
By mid-morning both men were exhausted beyond endurance, although one of them wasn't aware of this right now. The cramps had turned into small spasms, the fever finally stayed down, and it looked as if it wasn't going to flare up again, and the mutterings almost sounded coherent. At least it was in English again instead of this strange mixture of French and German.  
Jarod allowed himself to sit back and loosen his own muscles. He hadn't realised how stiff and sore he had become until he tried to straighten up. The older man still packed a lot of strength, especially when in the throes of fever. After a while he seemed to drift off in a normal sleep. Jarod allowed himself to rest his head on his arms and to relax a bit.  
  
The Cottage, around noon  
When Ms Parker returned around noon she found both men fast asleep and the cottage plunged in peace and silence. In the bedroom she found Jarod asleep on the side of the bed. His head was resting on his arms and his body at an almost impossible angle. Sydney looked very pale and wan, but seemed to sleep fitfully now. Quietly she turned to leave the room. She had thought that she had moved silently, but when she turned to leave she heard Sydney whisper her name. She turned back and found him looking at her.  
She whispered back to him, not wanting to wake up Jarod, "How're doing, Syd?"  
"Weak, but better. How's Jarod?"  
Typical. Jarod was almost always foremost in Syd's mind, even when he needed the attention himself. A tinge of jealousy touched Ms Parker's mind. "Tired, I guess. He sat with you for most of the time. I am sorry, Syd, but I couldn't stay and see you like you were."  
"I understand."  
She felt embarrassed for no apparent reason. She, tough Ms Parker, can't sit down at a friend's sickbed. He couldn't possibly understand. She was always in control, but she couldn't control what was happening to Sydney and therefore couldn't cope with it. How could he understand!  
"I do understand, Ms Parker," Sydney stressed, seeing the embarrassment on the young woman's face, "and I don't hold it against you. Remember, if it hadn't been for you and Broots I might be dead. Or worse..."  
Jarod stirred awake, lifting his head wearily from his arms and stretched. "Ah, Sydney, you are back again. How are you feeling?"  
"Weak, but better. Thirsty and hungry, I guess."  
A grin spread on Jarod's face. "Definitely a good sound. Ms Parker could you stay with Sydney, while I freshen myself up and see if I can rustle up some food for the three of us."  
Before she could say anything, he had left the room and left her alone with Sydney. She turned to the bed and sat down next to it. When she looked over at Sydney she found that he was watching her almost with sadness.  
"What?" she asked irritated.  
"You are thinking of taking him in, aren't you?"  
"Well, yes, eventually."  
"I'm not going to help you this time."  
"At the moment you are in no fit state to do anything, Sydney."  
"True, but I think I will stop hunting Jarod even after I'm well again."  
"You realise that your life at the Centre will be finished than!"  
"Isn't it already finished? Besides I am getting too old for all this. Early retirement sounds fine to me right now."  
"The Centre will never let you go, you know that. You know too much."  
"When will they let me go? When I am dead? Most likely, on second thought."  
"I know we've had our differences, but I value you too much as a... friend to lose you that way."  
"Well, thank you, Ms Parker. Do we detect a side of you unseen by human eyes yet?" the corner of his mouth turned up in an amusing grin. Even as pale as he was it made him look much younger, boyish. "Could you pass me the water, please? I am rather thirsty."  
She handed him the water, but when she saw how badly his hands were still shaking by the effort of just lifting it, she took it off him and helped him drink.  
"Thank you. You might turn into a regular nurse Nightingale." There was amusement in eyes.  
"Don't bet on it," she lit another cigarette. "Where is Jarod?"  
"Already tired of my witty conversation?" he watched her fidgeting and suspicion clouded his mind, "Have you told anybody where he could be found?"  
"Not yet. I just don't like the idea that he might do a runner on us again."  
"That's not like Jarod. You know he will stay with us until he knows we're safe."  
"Than pretend to be still sick!"  
"I told you I won't help you with this one."  
"You might not have a choice, Sydney!"  
"There are always choices, Ms Parker, always. Even if some of the choices we make are not good ones, there will always be choices."  
The lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, which neither wanted but neither wanted to break anyway.  
  
THE END  



	2. Haunting memories 2

Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
Title:Haunting memories 2  
Author:Giton  
Rating:R, I guess, some Angst involved  
Spoilers:Maybe Season 4, definitely "Junk"  
Keywords:Sydney's past is catching up  
Summary: Sequel from Haunting Memories, probably part 3 will be the conclusion  
  
Haunting Memories 2  
By Giton  
  
The Centre, Sydney's office  
Gingerly he sat down behind his desk. It had been three weeks now since Raines' attack on him, but his injuries were still smarting. True, they were diminishing by the day and it shouldn't be before long that they would be ghosts from the past.  
Ghosts from the past, indeed. The nightmares of the Camp still haunted him. That was another depressing side effect of the drugs Raines had administered to him. As if the craving for the drug that again ran through his body hadn't been enough, the stowed away memories of his childhood came and visited him every night again. Depriving him of much needed sleep and rest.  
For years he had been able to suppress those memories, now they seemed to be back with a vengeance. He had enough self-control to stave the memories and the craving off during the day and not let it influence the efficiency of his work, but during the night he had no control over them.  
He gave a derisive chortle.  
His work! Sometimes he wondered if his work didn't have the same overtones as the experiments they had done on him and his brother and countless other children in Dachau. Over the years he had convinced himself that the experiments he had been doing for the Centre where "humane" and bore little resemblance to experiments performed in the Death camp, but part of him knew he was only deluding himself. About twenty years ago he, Jacob, Major Charles and Catherine Parker, but mainly the other three, had devised a plan to spirit the children away from the Centre. To hide them from the Centre, maybe even try and reunite them with their families. But the plan had gone horribly wrong. Catherine had allegedly killed herself or had been reportedly killed by major Charles -the stories and allegations became confusing and the evidence was worse-, the latter than disappearing and Jacob met with an "accident", which left him comatose. If it hadn't been for his enormous luck he could have been killed in the same "accident", but he had been valuable for the Centre then and had survived.  
Than there had been Jarod, Monica (-little Miss Parker-) and all the other children, who couldn't be left alone with the Monsters from the Centre. And so he had plodded on. Trying to keep most of the children safe and in his care, still conduct the experiments the Centre demanded him to do and try and keep his own sanity.  
For some time now he had been having doubts about continuing working for the Centre and not finding any solutions how he could safely end it without endangering people, himself or the children and so he had let it slip by. But in the last three weeks he had been reviewing the situation, partly of remembered dreams and partly of guilt. Implementing his resolution was another kettle of fish.  
He shifted in his seat and was again painfully remembered that he wasn't his old self yet. Raines would have been happy to observe every single wince and twinge, especially since they had been able to come up with a plausible explanation for Sydney's absence and stopped Raines from further scheming; for the moment anyway. His thoughts drifted back to three weeks ago...  
  
Cabin near the lake in Blue Cove, three weeks earlier  
After he had been attacked by Raines and injected with a similar drug that had been injected into his system twenty years prior, Miss Parker and Broots had whisked him out of the Centre to this cabin. Miss Parker had then sent Broots to ground. Later Jarod had joined them. Together they had watched over him while his system was fighting the drug.  
The next day he was in a reasonable, albeit weakened, state and had an argument with Miss Parker to get Jarod back to the Centre again. That day he had felt obliged to go against Miss Parker's wishes to do so immediately and when Jarod returned from the kitchen with some food and coffee, he found the two in complete silence in the bedroom.  
Jarod's eyes twinkled mischievously, "Have I missed something?" The other two stayed silent. "Let me guess. Miss Parker wants to send me back to the Centre immediately and you, Sydney, don't agree with that. Considering the situation I can understand this and appreciate the feeling. But let us eat first before the eggs and coffee grows cold and I'll explain to you how the both of you can be right and wrong at the same time."  
"Eavesdropping again, Ratboy?"  
"Don't need to, you two are like open books to me."  
Miss Parker frowned, than shrugged her shoulder and moved over to get a plate with food and a mug of coffee before moving to the other side of the room to eat hers in relative silence.  
Jarod had made a fried-egg sandwich for Sydney and had cut it into squares. Sydney looked at it with disdain. Squares were for children! When he picked up one of the squares he had to concede that eating squares was less humiliating than trying to eat an open sandwich with knife and fork while his hands were shaking so badly.  
After their lunch, which Jarod described as "less fun than a waiting room at the morgue," Miss Parker asked him to make good on his word and explain his earlier remark.  
"It's like this," Jarod started, pacing the floor and unconsciously (-although Miss Parker noticed-) taking on Sydney-like mannerisms when he was in lecturing mode, "Sydney is right. You can't take me in... (-Sydney gave one of his half-smiles-) ...immediately. (-Sydney's smile disappeared, to reappear on Miss Parker's face-) At the moment Sydney is in no condition to defend himself, mentally or physically, especially against Raines. If his condition worsens again, Miss Parker won't be able to deal with it on her own, a regular Florence Nightingale she's not (-unconsciously all three nodded assent-) and if he's in the Centre's infirmary... So, we'll have to wait, at least for a couple more days, until he gets most of his strength up. And it doesn't mean," he rounded on Sydney with a mischievous grin, "that you can fake feeling too ill for an extended period. For one: you're not very good at faking and two: Remember: I was a doctor once.  
Taking me in now, will leave Sydney wide open to attack and might give Raines the opportunity to do away with him, probably even you and me; yes, maybe even me," Jarod answered when he saw the questioning look on Miss Parker's face, "Just because we were there to get Sydney out of trouble and know what Raines did. I don't know to what lengths he will go to protect himself. It would make the whole exercise of rescuing Sydney in the first place a waste of time and effort."  
He now turned to Sydney and looked at him with an almost wistful smile, "However much I appreciate your thoughts of not turning me in, and believe me I rather you hold on to those feelings, you will have to make the effort! (-Miss Parker frowned, not quite following the reasoning behind this, but glancing over at Sydney and seeing sadness appear in his eyes she reckoned that he did-) Not trying to make the effort, both of you, will strengthen their suppositions and give them the excuse to "cleanse" you both. I am willing to bet that the wheels have been set in motion already to implicate all of you, including Broots, in a conspiracy against the Centre."  
When he looked at Sydney he saw that the older man was trying to formulate a protest against it all, probably thinking of a "honourable sacrifice" of some sort. "I know you would rather face them, Sydney, than starting the hunt again. But it is not only you; you have to be concerned about, but also Miss Parker and Broots. Even if they only implicate you, how long do you think Miss Parker and Broots will survive another hiccup in the Centre? Or they may even believe that they might have anything to do with whatever I can cook up? Thought of that yet? No, I believe you haven't."  
The room was silent, everyone alone with their own thoughts, seeing the reasoning behind it all.  
"So, what do we do now?" asked Miss Parker, "You have brought up some interesting points and thinking about it rationally I might have some additional arguments to coincide with yours. You are right about Sydney's condition," she glanced over at Sydney whose face was almost as pale as the pillow his head rested on, "I have no guarantee that his condition will not worsen again. Also, I really don't want the Centre to know about this place. On the other hand I can't stay away from the Centre too long without a good excuse, but how can I explain the absence of Sydney and maybe even Broots? I forgot to ask him where I might be able to reach him."  
"Leave Broots to me," said Jarod, "When you are ready to go back, even if Sydney isn't, I make sure Broots will be there. If possible I can provide you with "breadcrumbs" to make them believe you were following one of my trails."  
"Is that how you've been able to avoid us?"  
"That's for you to find out."  
"And what about Sydney?"  
"I will take care of him while you're not here. Find out if Raines has been putting hints out about Sydney's absence. If he hasn't, you can always tell them that Sydney is away on family-business. It might also be used to explain away his injuries. He could have had an accident or been mugged while he was away. I doubt if Raines has told them that he has attacked Sydney. It will be like a poker-game between you two. I'd hate being in Raines' shoes." He wiggled his eyebrows to lighten the conversation.  
Sydney had been quiet during this exchange of words. He was well aware that they were voicing all the different options and angles and all he could be doing was to rehash what they were mentioning in the first place. Apart from that, he was so tired... He slowly drifted off.  
  
Winter evening, an ill lit road in Blue Cove, about twenty years earlier  
"What do you mean, you need a little bit more time?" asked Jacob, "We agreed that it is set for next week." He scowled at his twin, Sydney, who was concentrating hard to keep the car from slipping on the icy road.  
"Not now, Jacob. I don't like driving that much when the weather conditions are perfect and I definitely don't like it when it is snowing. So, if you could wait until we get home, I would appreciate that."  
"No, I want to know now. What is keeping you?"  
"Oh, very well! I have to trip the alarms in order that you and Catherine can get the children out and I am not sure if it will work, my knowledge on that subject is not one of the best. I've let Jarod run a simulation on it two months ago, hopefully having it disguised it enough not to raise any suspicions or draw attention, but obviously it is all untested."  
"So what? You yourself said that the kid was a genius."  
"Yes! But I'm not, at least not when it comes to technical preparations."  
"We've got Major Charles to do all that and he followed Jarod's sim to the letter."  
"Still, I say... Let's postpone it for another week. Something feels wrong about the whole situation."  
"Another week! You already had two weeks to prepare!"  
"It's not easy..."  
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"  
"Yes! Just as much as you do, but unlike you I want to make absolutely sure we can get the children out safely."  
"Oh, yes! I have no regard to the safety of..."  
There was a "thump" at one of the rear wheels, it must have hit something solid on the icy road and the sudden lurch of the car stopped Jacob from going on. Sydney had to use all his concentration to keep the car on the road. The car swerved first to the left than to the right and didn't seem to be responding to Sydney's handling. Instead of slowing down it looked as if it was gathering speed. With a horrible realisation both men knew the car was beyond Sydney's control and the sight of a tree coming closer did nothing to dispel this. Jacob braced himself against his side of the car and Sydney let go of the wheel to protect his face. Neither heard the crunch of the impact...  
When Sydney came to he couldn't understand where he was at first or how much time had passed. It was quiet and cold. His head hurt and when he touched his forehead it came away with blood. His left arm was hanging down feeling numb; he must have hit the steering wheel with it. When he slowly moved his head to the right he saw his brother Jacob leaning against the side, his eyes were closed and small trickle of blood came out of his ear. When he moved over to touch him a wrenching pain shot up his right shoulder, but he succeeded to quench the pain and touch his brother's neck. There was still a heartbeat, but it was faint.  
He leaned back into the seat and closed his eyes. How long would it be before anybody found them? Even in daytime this was a lonely stretch of road and Jacob needed attention soon. He wasn't sure how serious their injuries were, but Jacob didn't look too well.  
He heard the sound of two cars. He opened his eyes. Two cars from the Centre pulled up next to his and four men came out and approached the car. They opened his door first and helped him out of the car. Their handling was rough and he nearly passed out with the pain. Two others moved towards Jacob's side and got Jacob out. Sydney was put in one car and Jacob in the other. Before he lost consciousness he noticed that the two cars went different ways. Where were they taking Jacob?  
Before passing out he shouted his brother's name...  
  
Back at the Cabin  
Jarod and Miss Parker hadn't noticed that Sydney had drifted off to sleep, they were too caught up in their sounding out of options, until they heard Sydney shout his brother's name.  
"Now what?" said Miss Parker aloud, "not another one of his dreams again, is it?"  
Jarod had moved over to Sydney, who was moving restlessly on the bed. "Parker, hand me a cold, wet cloth. He's burning up."  
Miss Parker ran out of the room, muttering under her breath, "Why me? Why can't things just be simple for a change?" and returning quickly with a damp cloth, which she handed to Jarod.  
Jarod pressed it to Sydney's forehead while he muttered soothing words to the older man. He had no idea what Sydney had been dreaming of, only that it had something to do with Jacob. After a little while Sydney calmed down and drifted off into an easier slumber.  
"I'm going back to the Centre. At least there I know who the crazies are."  
"That's not fair, Miss Parker, this is not Sydney's doing."  
"I know, but maybe you can handle it, I can't," she was angry at her own helplessness, "I will be of more use at the Centre than I am here. If you can get Broots to come and join me tomorrow morning."  
"I will. I will lay the "crumbs" tonight. You can reach me at this number," he scribbled a number down, "don't worry, it's a scrambled line and I will be changing it when this is over. Nobody will be able to track it down to this place. Don't come back here until Sydney's back. I will keep you informed on his progress."  
"Thank you, Jarod," she said and with a small backwards glance she left the cabin.  
Since Sydney was resting reasonably calm at the moment, Jarod took this opportunity to get some things ready. He refilled the water-basin with fresh water and let a face cloth soak into it. He placed a carafe of water nearby on the bed stand with two glasses. He had already cleaned the bucket of Sydney's vomit and made sure it was handy near the bed.  
He went over to his computer and started typing away, neatly backdating some of the files in order to deceive the others of the Centre chronologically. Next he contacted Broots through his AOL-alias of Samson, conveying the message to him that Miss Parker expected him at the Centre in the morning. Than he sat down next to Sydney's bed to wait.  
  
He didn't have to wait long. Sydney opened his eyes. They appeared to be clear for the first time in two days. He tried to speak, but his throat was too dry. Jarod gave him some water.  
"Jarod, I need your help."  
"Anything, Sydney."  
The older man was clearly embarrassed and blushed, "I need to relieve myself and I don't want to soil myself or the bed. I think I..."  
Understanding dawned in Jarod's eyes. It was characteristic of Sydney's almost catlike care about his personal hygiene. Jarod helped him out of bed and over to the bathroom. Sydney was so weak that he couldn't have made it on his own. He had to sit down to relieve himself. Jarod had to stay and keep him upright and clean him afterwards. Although Sydney thanked him for assisting him, it was obvious that the extent of the humiliation he felt in needing assistance in this was beyond words. Still, he felt, it was better than soiling himself.  
When he passed the mirror he saw himself reflected in it and he was shocked at the chance. Unruly, unkempt damp hair plastered to a hollow-eyed, sunken pale face and sporting a stubble of over three days old. The bruise on his forehead, the dark circles under his eyes and the fever spots on his cheeks provided the only colour on his face. He nearly collapsed in Jarod's strong, supporting arms.  
"Hey, don't overdo it, Sydney," gasped Jarod when he kept them from falling. When he laid him back on the bed Sydney closed his eyes nearly immediately, too tired to keep himself from staying awake. Fortunately, this time it was a dreamless sleep.  
  
Some time later  
The drug started to demand his price. Severe cramping of the abdominal muscles wrenched him from his sleep. Dry retching turned into vomiting into the bucket Jarod held under his face. One minute his blood felt like a thousand ants crawling under his skin, the next minute it felt like fire coursing through his body. His body demanded another shot of the drug, his mind fought against it. Sweat was pouring from every pore of his body and drenched the bed in no time.  
One moment he was shivering with indescribable cold, the next he was trying to escape the heat of fever. His heart was racing out of control and Jarod feared for a heart attack. The pain that ran through his body and set fire to every nerve of his being made him cry out. He was shaking badly now and totally unaware of his surroundings. Jarod just held him close, rocking him softly to and fro, knowing that this was the crucial time that would determine whether Sydney's craving for the drug was too great, that he was going to make it alright or die trying to shake it off.  
Jarod hoped he was going to be all right. Sydney wasn't that young anymore and his body did take a severe beating the last couple of days. His previous weakness proved that.  
It took a long time before the shaking subsided and shallow breaths slowed close to a normal intake of breath. Jarod eased Sydney's body gently to the bed and covered him with the blankets. He was sleeping peacefully now and it seemed that he had the worst behind him. Jarod allowed himself to stretch his aching muscles and take a rest. Jarod's own nerves were frayed to the bone with worry. He dropped his head on his aching arms, resting on the bed.  
  
Evening  
He woke up to the light touch of Sydney's hand on his own hand. He looked up and saw Sydney giving him a weak smile. "Thank you, Jarod," Sydney whispered weakly, his voice hoarse, "I don't think I could have made it without your help."  
"You better thank Miss Parker and Broots, if they hadn't found you so quickly, my being here wouldn't have made a difference."  
"I know and I will," he coughed and Jarod helped him sit up to drink some water. By the way he was leaning heavily into Jarod, Jarod could feel how much the whole ordeal had drained him. He had no idea how soon this weakness would disappear. Sydney fell back on the pillows again and closed his eyes briefly.  
"How are you feeling now?" asked Jarod.  
"Weak, heavy. As if recovering from a bad flu, but better than before. Clearer, I think, as well. God knows how long it will be before the craving for the drug will leave me, for I can feel my body demanding it. Hungry as well, I think." Although there was weakness in his voice and around the eyes, there was also a glint of the old Sydney there. A small smile appeared at the corner of his lips.  
Jarod's smile was a big boyish grin, "I get you something to eat, don't go away." He rushed out of the room and left Sydney on his own. Yes, he was feeling better now, but he also knew he was weak as a pussycat and the old fears of being caught again or Jarod being caught while he was tending to his former mentor gripped him with icy fear. "No," he said to himself, "stop being defeatist it wouldn't do him, Jarod or the whole situation any good I didn't get to this age or lived through all the hardship to be giving up now. Have to get a grip on myself."  
When Jarod returned he found Sydney dozing, but awake when he approached the bed. He had a tray with him with a steaming bowl of broth on it. "I know you hate this, but I think I will have to feed you. You don't want the soup to be lying in bed next to you, would you?"  
Sydney gave him one of his half smiles and let himself be fed.  
After he had eaten, Sydney asked Jarod what he had been doing lately with himself, if the outside world had taught him anything, and so forth.  
Jarod realised that Sydney was partly asking this out of genuine interest and partly to fill void. Jarod's voice while he told Sydney about his last escapade worked very soothingly on the older man's nerves. It kept the craving at bay for a while and the nightmares in the background. Sydney could remember how his mother, before the war, would read to him and his brother Jacob before they went to sleep. And slowly her voice was superimposed over Jarod's. And with a smile on his face he drifted off to sleep.  
Jarod covered him with the blanket and smiled, wondering if he could have told Sydney a fairy tale instead of a true anecdote and still get the same effect. No, his voice might at the moment only have been needed as comfort, but he respected Sydney enough not to treat him like a child just because he was momentarily weak. He walked into the kitchen to make himself something to eat.  
  
A couple of times that night Sydney would awaken, disoriented and hugging himself close when his muscles contracted and his blood itched with the craving for the drug. One minute he would be quite lucid and the next shaking with fever and being at places from the past. But every time Jarod was there to comfort and soothe him, wiping the sweat off his brow, holding him close, using his voice to soothe the mental anguish, giving him water to drink to stop him from dehydrating and as the night progressed these episodes were further between.  
Jarod believed that given time and no reintroduction to the drug Sydney should be fine. His main concern now was to get Sydney's strength up to par.  
  
Early morning  
When morning came Jarod was happy to notice that Sydney's breathing and sleep seemed to have become regular. His temperature had dropped to near normal, as did his heart rate. Sydney opened his eyes when Jarod went through these motions of checking on him and Jarod was again happily greeted with normal, clear, though tired, eyes and Sydney's soft smile. "Seems like you are going to be okay, Syd." Sydney nodded, not quite trusting the strength of his voice. "Fancy a bit of breakfast?"  
"Some water first, please," croaked Sydney, his voice sounding like his throat was treated with sandpaper.  
After they had eaten, Sydney expressed the wish to visit the bathroom and although he felt better than he had in days his body was still weak and he needed Jarod's assistance again. "Luckily Miss Parker isn't here to assist me," he quipped weakly, "I am not so sure which one of us would have the biggest fit or feel the most embarrassed. Pity she didn't go into medicine. The medical world lost a tremendous asset."  
"Sydney, you can't be serious! You must still have a touch of the fever. Miss Parker, a nurse?"  
"No, I said she is a loss to the medical world. Can you imagine her staring down at the poor, unsuspecting patients? I bet she can make the dead walk with one of her stares. Maybe we should bottle it and sell it?"  
Both men laughed.  
Jarod helped him to have a shower by holding him up, Sydney's sense of hygiene being a stronger force than the need to lie down. Afterwards Jarod changed the bedding while Sydney slumped in the cosy chair next to the bed, wrapped in a huge bath towel, but looking better after the shower. He let Jarod tuck him under the blankets again after Jarod had finished changing, still too worn-out to argue against it.  
Once having settled Sydney down Jarod told him to get some rest, but Sydney, although tired and knowing that Jarod was right, didn't feel so inclined. After being asleep, so he rationalised, for nearly two days was enough for any man. Plus, he didn't relish the thought of going to sleep and meeting the ghosts from his past.  
He laid his head back against the pillow and observed Jarod for a while before he spoke up, "Would it have worked though?"  
"Excuse me?" asked Jarod, puzzled by Sydney's train of thought.  
"The escape from the Centre!"  
"Ah! Is that what's been preying on your mind. I don't know, Syd. It could have, if we had been able to hide from the Centre long enough, I guess. We will never know, will we? It didn't happen and the rest is speculation. Mrs Parker and Jacob are dead and my father is still on the run. This is, what, after twenty-odd years? The main players are dead and my father's memory on this is sketchy. Why? You want to attempt something like the other three thought up?" A twinge of sadness and regret passed Sydney's eyes.  
Jarod continued, misinterpreting the look in Sydney's eyes, "You're finally feeling regret for working for the Centre for so long? Or the experiments you have conducted for them?" He instantly regretted his words the minute he had voiced them as he saw the look of anguish on Sydney's face, "Sorry, Syd, I didn't want to say that."  
"I know, Jarod, but you meant it though."  
Jarod looked down, "Why, Sydney? After all these years?"  
"It's something I should have done years ago, I admit that. We can't turn the clock back nor undo the wrongs that have been done. But if there is a possible change of success, I think we should try it..." he nearly added "again" but thought the better of it. After all, his part had been very small in the earlier attempt. "Catherine Parker had reason to believe it could work, I don't see why it shouldn't now. This time we have more experience with it and the workings of the Centre."  
Jarod looked surprised, "You knew about her plans?" and Sydney nodded, "Does Miss Parker know that you knew?"  
"No! At first I couldn't tell anybody. Then, when you escaped and the three of us were assigned to track you down, I couldn't tell either Miss Parker or Broots for fear of being pulled off the assignment or have an "accident". Now she will kill me if I told her I knew all along what her mother had been planning. She already tried it once when I merely hinted at it. I do not savour a second experience of the kind." Unconsciously he touched his neck in remembrance, "She is much stronger than you would expect at first sight." He lay back on the pillow, clearly exhausted.  
Jarod became concerned, "You should rest for a while, Sydney, and we can talk later.  
Sydney nodded and closed his eyes wearily.  
  
Late morning  
The remainder of the morning Sydney had slept soundly and peacefully, permitting Jarod to catch up on some much needed rest as well. Normally he could do with little catnaps, but the last three days had been very tiring for him as well. He had fallen asleep in the chair near the bed and his cramped muscles were shouting their protests. He looked over at Sydney and still found him soundly asleep.  
Carefully he got up and moved to the kitchen to make some tea and see what he could do for food. Luckily Miss Parker had her cupboards stocked up pretty well with tinned food and the freezer had enough meat, vegetables and bread to last for another week or so.  
When he returned, Sydney had woken up as well and seemed much better. The lines in his face had smoothed out some, the fever spots were not as pronounced any more and the bruise on his forehead was becoming less prominent. Jarod wondered how his ribs were faring and voiced that question. "Much better, painful, but bearable," was the reply. Jarod wanted to check on it himself, but if Sydney said it was bearable it could wait for a bit longer. His voice was stronger now as well, so, Jarod knew he was on the road to recovery.  
"Tea will be ready shortly. Hungry?" Sydney shook his head.  
When Jarod came back from the kitchen, Sydney had propped himself up against the pillows. Big droplets of sweat were on his forehead and it was obvious that moving his upper torso and taking deep breaths caused him discomfort, which he pooh-poohed away for the moment, but otherwise he seemed fine. They drank their tea in silence, Sydney holding his cup with two hands, drawing comfort from the warmth of the object and remarkably spilling little.  
After they had drunk their tea, Sydney allowed Jarod to examine his chest, wincing at Jarod's gentle touch. "It's definitely bruised, to what extent I can't say without an x-ray, but they don't appear to be broken. When you were in the throes of the drug fever you didn't cough up blood or seemed to be in more pain than the craving expected. And when you moved about earlier your breathing was shallow, but reasonable normal. It could still be a hairline fracture or a small tear on one of the muscles. We should get you to a hospital to get it checked further and to let it be taped up. You will be in some discomfort for a while, though."  
"About last night..." started Sydney when Jarod had sat down again.  
"You mean about another planned escape?"  
"Yes."  
"I'm not sure, Syd. Yes, I think it might be possible, but the Centre is like a fortress nowadays, it will not be easy. How many children or people will be involved?"  
"At present: 6 children under the age of twelve, this includes Ms Parker's baby brother and two in Raines' wing. I have two teenagers under my care and Raines another two, although, he had those two boys for some time now. I don't know how cooperative they will be or how much under his influence. Four adults: who had been homeless, as far as I know, before the came to the Centre.  
Than there's Angelo, we can't leave him there. The boy has suffered enough as it is. If we can get Broots to join forces with us, we also have to think of Debbie. If we are going to take them all, it will be 16 in total."  
Jarod got up from his chair, "Not an easy task, quite a lot of people involved." He stood in thought, "What are your plans with them afterwards?"  
"Apart from baby Parker, of three we know they have parents, we just have to find them in the Databases..."  
"As you have been able to find my father!"  
Sydney ignored the remark for the moment, "...two others are actual orphans and of the four remaining... I have no clue. They don't talk about their parents, wards or otherwise. They give no indication that they want to go home. (-"Like I did!"-) It is disturbing that all four are under Raines' supervision."  
Jarod nodded, he could well remember how disturbed his clone was.  
Sydney continued, "If we can get the other three united with their families, that would be a good thing. We could spirit the others away and hide out in the mountains, set up a school or home there. Catherine Parker had arranged to take them somewhere, but I don't know where. Besides, if they had already figured out what was going on, they might also know the location of Mrs Parker's destination." Too late Sydney realised he might have said too much, damn his addled brain and hoped Jarod hadn't noticed the slip-up.  
Bad luck, Jarod wheeled on Sydney, "How much did you know or were you involved in the earlier attempt, Sydney?"  
"Not a lot," tried Sydney.  
Jarod looked hard on him, moved over to the bed and nearly lifted Sydney up by the shoulders, "Of all the co-conspirators they did nothing to you? They even let you continue working at the Centre? (-He was shaking Sydney now, who winced in pain and tried to pry Jarod's hands loose, to no effect-) How come, Sydney? Were you the one who betrayed them?"  
"No, Jarod, I wasn't, you have to believe me," he was nearly shouting now, the pain nearly blanking him out, "Jarod, let go of me, you're hurting me!"  
Jarod realised what he was doing and let go of Sydney's shoulders, he still wasn't convinced and looked with contempt at Sydney who was painfully trying to catch his breath, each intake another lungful of searing pain. "If you didn't do it, than who did?"  
"I don't know, Jarod, I honestly don't know. I could never betray them! I could never betray Jacob, my own brother! Surviving the Camp together, dragging him through Europe and than over to America! Or Catherine Parker, whom I loved like a sister. Major Charles I didn't know, he was an outsider, I think Catherine brought him in, but he was going to help the children escape, that was enough for me. And finding out about him later, I couldn't believe he was the one who betrayed the plan. Oh, I had my doubts in the beginning, but couldn't believe it then and I still can't believe it now. I don't know why they left me alone, maybe they didn't know about me or maybe they needed me at the Centre to teach you. You have to believe me, Jarod, please!"  
Jarod sat down again and looked with sorrow at Sydney, "Than why didn't you never tell me about my father?"  
"I didn't know he was your father and I don't think he knew that one of the children he was rescuing was his own son and when I found out he was your father, would you have believed me if I told you that once I tried to get you of the Centre, after chasing you for such a long time?"  
"No, I guess I wouldn't. But why did you stay at the Centre?"  
"I had to take care of you and Ms Parker, I had promised her mother."  
"It's all very hard for me to take in. And why would you want to try again now, after all these years?"  
"It has been on my mind for some time now. Up till now I've always found excuses not to go ahead. You might think I'm a coward and quite possibly I am. But I can't sit idly by anymore, the policies in the Centre are getting worse and I'm not getting any younger." He coughed and pressed his left arm to his side, he coughed again and seemed to be having problems trying to catch his breath.  
Jarod jumped up immediately, holding Sydney, trying to make him feel more comfortable, but Sydney had problems taken breaths, pushing away from Jarod. Racking coughs tearing him apart while he lay back against the pillows, finally it subsided and he leaned back exhausted. His hands gripping the sheets, while Jarod let him drink some water.  
"I'm sorry for shaking you earlier," said Jarod, "It must have set this spell on."  
Sydney moved his hand in dismissal, still unable to talk.  
"Maybe you should rest a bit, we can talk later." Sydney nodded and closed his eyes.  
  
Late afternoon   
During the afternoon Jarod sat idly by, watching Sydney, trying to make head or tail of what he had just learned. Sydney had his eyes closed, but only dozed. This time it was the pain in his chest that kept him from dropping off to sleep, at least the rest would do him some good. Jarod was wondering if Sydney hadn't been more injured than was obvious at first glance, maybe Jarod's shaking him had rattled something in his chest. But than again, Sydney seemed as fine as could possibly be after the fevers had passed. Could he be faking it? Jarod looked closely at Sydney without waking him out of his slumber. No, the lines on his face spoke of pain even in sleep, that couldn't be faked. Besides, he gave a wry grin, Sydney had never been good at faking or lying that well. Jarod was now determined to get him to a hospital as soon as was safely possible.  
Ms Parker phoned later on informing about Sydney and thanking Jarod to get Broots to the Centre. It was to Broots' credit that he grasped the situation quite quickly and together, not to mention Jarod's trail of "breadcrumbs", they had come up with a plausible story to explain their absence and the continued absence of Sydney. As was expected, Raines had come up with an explanation as to why he and the others were locked in the basement and hadn't breathed a word of his part in Sydney's disappearance. Ms Parker had to watch him and her step. Raines could turn out to be a rather dangerous person at present.  
When she asked after Sydney, Jarod told her that he was doing fine and that the fevers had passed, but also that he was still too weak to be driven over to a hospital to be examined. It might take another day yet to be on the safe side. Ms Parker was glad that he was going to be all right and rang off, leaving Jarod alone with his thoughts and Sydney.  
In his heart of hearts he couldn't believe that Sydney could have been so callous as to betraying his friends, yet a little twinge of doubt remained. If it hadn't been Sydney, than whom could it have been? Had there been a fifth person involved? He was determined to ask Sydney about it.  
As to the escape plan, could it be conceivable to make another attempt? And if it worked, how could they insure to stay out of the Centre's clutches?  
  
A little later in the afternoon Sydney arose from his slumber, pain was still etched in his features and he favoured his left side, but he assured Jarod that he was all right.  
After he had given Sydney some water, Jarod asked him if in the earlier attempt a fifth person might have been involved. Sydney assured him there hadn't been, at least not as far as he knew. Both men were silent.  
When Sydney had to go to the bathroom his breathing became more laboured and with a look of surprise at Jarod and without a single sound, he collapsed. "That's it," thought Jarod, "I have to get him to a hospital now. This can't wait any longer. At least he is more or less free of the drug and if they didn't take a too close a look at his forearm he should be all right."  
He checked to see if the collapse had been due to a heart attack and finding Sydney's heart still beating strong, but rapidly, he carried Sydney towards the bedroom where he per functionally dressed him. He didn't know how far he had to drive to get to a hospital, which wasn't too close to the Centre and it wouldn't do to let Sydney catch pneumonia on the way. He checked that he had a doctor-ID with him and in haste he bundled Sydney into the car, trying to make him as comfortable as possible and drove off.  



	3. Haunting memories 3

Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
Title:Haunting memories 3  
Author:Giton  
Rating:R, I guess, some Angst involved  
Spoilers:Maybe Season 4, definitely "Junk"  
Keywords:Sydney's past is catching up  
Summary: Plans forged and confrontations taken on (last part? Not!)  
  
Haunting Memories 3  
By Giton  
  
On the road  
Jarod drove fast, but carefully, each unexpected swerve or bump in the road causing Sydney to involuntarily moan saw to that. He drove North out of Blue Cove, skipped the next town and the next village and than drove into the village of Horne Bay. The sun had already started to dip towards the horizon when he arrived at the hospital.  
Horne Bay hospital had a view over the ocean and at any other given day Jarod would have paused to observe the majesty of that vast expanse of water. Now his main concern was to get Sydney into the hospital and checked out.  
All through the ride, Sydney had not regained full awareness and Jarod had to ask for help to get him inside. He presented himself as Doctor Jarod Mallard who had brought his father, Sydney Mallard, in. When he made himself this new identity a couple of months ago, he had to chuckle at the wordplay and some quip in his sense of humour had made Sydney his father, should they ever want to check on his background. He was glad he had done it now, so that when speaking to Sydney in a more private manner or having to sign for his release papers later would pose no problem.  
Sydney was quickly admitted and Jarod explained that "his father" had been mugged a couple of days prior while he was on holiday and that it was only today that he (Jarod) had found him semi-conscious in the motel-room. He had not thought that the collapse was due to a heart attack but the result of the mugging.  
The doctors quickly confirmed Jarod's diagnosis and send Sydney off for X-rays. A nurse issued Jarod into a side-room to await the results, which weren't long in coming.  
  
Jarod had been staring out of one of the windows in the waiting room, which gave way to a beautiful panoramic view of the Bay, when a young doctor, about Jarod's age, entered.  
"Doctor Mallard?"  
"Yes."  
"Hello. I'm Doctor McKenzie. We have just finished examining your father and have some good news for you. You were right in assuming that he wasn't suffering from a heart attack or even a heart related problem. Your father's heart is pretty strong for a man his age. We have, however, found a hairline fracture on the fifth rib, which must have caused the collapse. You may well be aware that since this is a moving bone it will be hard to stop him from moving it, apart from stopping his breathing for a long while," he grinned and Jarod grinned back, "but that is rather drastic measure. There is nothing much we can do, other than taping his chest-section up to make him more comfortable and suggest complete rest for about a week and than to let him take it very easy for a while until the fracture heals up. It depends per person how long that is going to take.  
We did find some strange bruising around the chest-area and the lower left arm. Has your father spoken to you about the attack?"  
"Not exactly... I knew he was on holiday and once every couple of days we would ring each other to make sure everything was all right. When he didn't contact me last night I went to his last known location and found him on the motel floor. He was conscious for only a brief spell in which he told me that he had been attacked near the motel. He remembered getting himself back to the room, but other than that was a complete blank to him."  
"He might have suffered a mild concussion, for there were no traces of extensive damage to either the brain or the skull, even though he has a bruise at the side of his head. There are also the strange bruises on his arm and chest. Does your father take... medication intravenously?"  
"I don't think so. He might take a couple of Tylenols on a whole year. He is not very keen of medication of any kind."  
"Hmm... The bruises on his arm might have another cause, but at first glance they almost seem like injection scars. The bruises on his chest are a different matter. They are strange in appearance, almost circular and mainly superficial, had they been stabs by, say, a stick there would have been more damage below the surface of the contusions, yet there don't seem to be any. Ah well... Until your father can remember what has happened to him that night we won't know, will we?" He was good, better than Jarod would have wanted. He had hoped to get the "normal country emergency-treatment", but this doctor must have given his full attention to Sydney. Part of him was very glad about this and another part very suspicious.  
"No, I don't think we will."  
"Have you informed the police about it already?"  
"No, I will when I get back, and hopefully my father can remember more."  
"Yes, I hope he will. Would you like to see him now?"  
"Yes, please. How long will it be before I can take him home?"  
"Do you live far from here?"  
"Not too far."  
"I thought you said he was on holiday?"  
"Yes, he was, I wasn't. Although he might come and settle down around here in a short while, once he gets used to the word "retirement"."  
"Sounds like my old man." Both men laughed.  
Than Jarod looked at McKenzie again with a question on his face. "Oh, yes, sorry, when can you take him home... Well, since your house is not that far from here, I would suggest tomorrow morning. I'd like to keep him in overnight for observation." When they were walking down the corridor, the doctor tried to make some small talk, "I saw from the details of your forms that you are both doctors. Both in the same field?"  
"No," Jarod answered lightly, "My father is a psychiatrist and I am a General Practitioner."  
"Hmm... Good thing you are, most people go into panic-mode when something happens to their parents." They had reached one of the private rooms, but the room was empty. "He'll be here shortly. Is there anything you need? Or would you prefer to stay in one of the guest-rooms?"  
"To both counts: no, but thanks anyway. I just sit with him for a while, if you don't mind?"  
"Not at all. If you need anything you can always ask nurse and should any problems occur during the night don't hesitate to ask for me." Jarod thanked him and he left. Jarod sat down.  
  
When they wheeled Sydney in he looked wan but awake. They waited, not speaking to each other until the nurses had made Sydney comfortable on the bed and had left the room. They had taped Sydney's chest up and put his left arm in a sling to take the strain off that side of the body. He still wasn't breathing normally, but it was an improvement compared to a few hours earlier.  
"How're you feeling, dad?" Jarod asked, keeping the pretence going in case anybody walked by.  
"Better, Jarod."  
"They asked me if you could remember more of the attack on you?"  
"No, I can't even remember what day it is."  
"It will come back to you. Rest now, tomorrow I'm taking you home." There was a tinge of panic in Sydney's eyes. "Don't worry. They want to make sure you are all right, so they want to keep you for the night. Rest now. I'll keep an eye on you." "And keep watch, just in case they inform anybody of our presence here," his eyes were saying to Sydney, who finally relaxed and let himself slip into a light slumber.  
  
Later that night McKenzie dropped in to see how his patient was faring and found them both asleep, although the older Mallard woke up just before he left the room. McKenzie moved over to the other side of the bed and whispered, to leave Jarod sleeping, "How are you feeling?"  
"Fine," mouthed Sydney. "Can you remember more of the attack?" Sydney shook his head slowly. For a minute McKenzie was wondering if his patient had lost the power of speech as well as parts of his memory, until he noticed the way Jarod had fallen asleep. His head was resting on his right arm, but his left arm was flung loosely over the older Mallard's chest. If the son were a light sleeper, his father's talking would have caused the chest-area to vibrate and wake him up. McKenzie nodded in sympathetic understanding, Sydney smiled back at him. McKenzie left quietly, leaving the Mallards to their rest.  
  
The next morning they paid up the bill in cash, which Jarod had acquired just before Sydney was ready to leave. They thanked McKenzie for his care with the promise to inform the police about the attack as soon as they got back and left the hospital. Sydney walked slowly, which pleased Jarod, with hardly any support.  
Jarod sometimes took to the smaller roads to make sure they weren't followed out of force of habit. When they got back to Miss Parker's cabin, Sydney declined to go to bed. "But you need complete rest!"  
"Yes, complete rest, not total paralysis! I've had enough of beds for the moment, thank you!" The outburst made him gasp for breath, so he sat down on Miss Parker's couch, "Please, Jarod, I need to feel like a whole human being for a while instead of an invalid. I promise I will lie down shortly."  
Jarod shrugged his shoulders and went into the kitchen to prepare them some tea and toast. When he came back into the room he found Sydney laid back and with his eyes closed, but he opened them immediately when Jarod stepped into the room.  
During breakfast Jarod observed his former mentor and found him looking better than he had for days, even his breathing had eased, but his movements were still tentative. He seemed to have aged a bit since he had last seen him. With a grin he said, "You gave me quite a scare there."  
"Sorry, didn't mean to."  
"You want to rest now or..."  
"No, like you I want to talk about the escape-plan. Unlike you, I want to discuss the probabilities of the now instead of the possibilities of the past."  
Jarod bowed his head. Sydney was right, his obsession with the past sometimes hindered his actions of the future. "It will be more difficult than it was then. (-"Yes."-) There are more children and even adults to rescue this time. (-"Hmm..."-) The alarm system will have been improved and the security tighter. (-"..."-) We would have to find new co-conspirators. Would it be people we trust? Outsiders? Or from the Centre? Who can we trust, Sydney?"  
"We could try Broots, but he won't do anything against Miss Parker's wishes. It is Miss Parker we have to concentrate on. Sometimes she gives me the impression that she wants to put an end to all the Centre's activities. At other times she is more in favour of keeping the show going than Raines is. Although of late... (-Jarod raised his eyebrow-) Well, what with Thomas being killed, her father marrying and having a child with the woman who tried to kill him, finding out about Lyle's unsavoury... hobbies, finding out about her mother, seeing that the Centre has made a clone of you, finding out about an unknown brother... The list is too long to go on. Any normal person would feel cheated or betrayed if any of that would happen to them. But Miss Parker was raised in the Centre, there's no telling what she might consider "normal"," he took a sip of tea, wincing when he sat back, "To give her her due, if her mind had been totally and immorally messed up she would have left me in Raines' "care". She would have send in the Sweepers to pick you up, maybe it's because I'm her co-worker..."  
"That's bull, Syd, and you know it," Jarod said angrily, "I don't think that Miss Parker just sees you as a colleague. You have always been there for her. And she must see you as a father figure, especially since her father tries hard to ignore her. Are you both so thickheaded that you won't admit it to each other? Or even to yourselves?"  
"I don't want to be presumptuous..."  
"Presumptuous! Sydney! I know you don't go out that much. I know you don't like to share your feelings! But be honest with yourself! You have treated her like a daughter, like you treated me like a... If we want to get her on our side, we have to work on that. I am almost sure she will join us. When you tell her about her mother's initial plan..."  
"No! I can't Jarod," Sydney said with sorrow and regret in his voice, "If I tell her now, she will believe that I either lied to her or kept her from her mother's secrets. She will hate me for not trusting her enough to have told her earlier, and she would be right in assuming that. She will feel betrayed and she had enough of that by others lately. Remember how you behaved last night when I accidentally slipped it?"  
"Was it an accident, Sydney? Or did you want me to know?"  
"I don't know. But can you imagine what her reaction will be? I think I can. First, she'll want to murder me for not telling her earlier. Than she will want to kill me for telling her a "lie" about me and her mother and everybody else who had been involved, just to be able to get her on our team. Next she might go to her father and tell him about the plan, who will than kill me for being a liability to the Centre and for knowing his wife better than he did. About the last part I'm not too worried, but if he finds out, the plan will die an easy death. It would have been better if we would not even been having this conversation." He leaned back exhausted. "Don't you think I have not been thinking about that scenario over the last years? I have and always came to a dead end. First I thought it was pure cowardice on my part, but than I realised, and still realise, that I just didn't have an option on that part."  
Sydney's voice had dropped as if extremely tired and now he lay back and looked at Jarod with deep concern, "If I could have done it, I would have done it last year, but you know that it was impossible. Had Thomas lived, maybe than..." He couldn't continue.  
  
Sydney's arguments and his knowledge of Miss Parker's thinking made sense to Jarod. Sydney was right, she would kill him (or at least severely damage him) if he told her about his involvement with her mother. Her mother was sacrosanct to her. If she thought her mother was a near saint and helping the children came close to sainthood, than maybe if Sydney told her... not quite! "Why didn't you tell her sooner?" He asked Sydney quietly, almost accusingly.  
Sydney had closed his eyes, after his attempt to make himself more comfortable on the couch had failed, to conserve energy. Now he opened them again with weariness, "Don't you think I've not tried? I haven't done so for many reasons, Jarod. As I told you before, after the intended escape, Mrs Parker was presumed death, Major Charles (her presumed killer) on the run, Jacob in a coma in the hospital, I was recovering from the accident. You were still children and I was afraid for my life and my brother's life.  
I didn't trust anybody at the Centre and did what I was supposed to do: teaching you, Miss Parker and the other children. Going through those... experiments," he closed his eyes briefly before continuing, "Then Miss Parker was sent to boarding school and I didn't see her back until after your escape. The joyful, innocent little girl had changed into a ruthless, climbing executive. Broots and I were assigned to her to find and capture you. Yet, over the last couple of years I had the feeling that the sweet little girl is still hiding somewhere within Miss Parker, she is just afraid to come out and show herself again. Centre-habit-forming I think.  
When she came back, her mind was tunnel-versioned to the Centre and in particular her father. He told her lies; especially about her mother, partly to protect her. The less she knew the less she could stir and make life uncomfortable for certain people."  
"You never told her any lies, did you Sydney?" Jarod asked with a hint of malice.  
"Not as such, no. I might have withheld information. Sometimes not telling her the full story and even misdirected her thoughts on occasion or kept quiet, but I've never maliciously lied to her."  
"Call it what you will, but a lie is still a lie by any other name."  
Sydney knew he was right. Lying at the Centre wasn't only habit forming, but also a prerequisite and seemed like an essential part of your job-description. He shifted his position on the couch and Jarod could see that he was discomfited, but if that was the way he wanted it...  
Sydney continued, "Even the mentioning of your name made her break out in gleeful pleasure or irate fury, depending on the occasion. You were in the way of her reach for power, the longer you were on the loose the higher she had to stretch. They had made her believe that the ones who had planned the escape also killed her mother. What do you think would have happened if I had told her? I also had to think about Jacob. And what if I wasn't there anymore when you would have been caught? So, I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell Broots in those years either, he was too much under her control," he stopped for a moment to have some tea, but found his cup empty.  
Jarod went into the kitchen to make some more and was back in no time and had even brought Sydney a glass of water, which was gratefully accepted.  
  
When they had settled down again, Sydney continued, "Then things started to unravel at the Centre, secrets were exposed, Jacob had died and I was hoping against hope that I might find a way to tell her and to win her over. But when we found out about Lyle, she was determined to stay at the Centre and find out more.  
When Thomas was shot her determination grew into an obsession to find his killer at the Centre. When I was blinded by the explosion and had to work with Lyle for a while to survive and she found out I had planted the bomb, her trust in me became quite fragile for a while. And to crown it all, the truths about her mother..." He stopped too overcome by it all.  
Jarod could see his point. To divulge the truth now would be like an act of suicide on Sydney's part, or at least it could be. Although Miss Parker had started to have doubts about the Centre, she had always trusted Sydney enough to show him her deepest secrets and feelings, feelings she wouldn't want or dare to share with others. That he couldn't reciprocate to her would make her feel betrayed, not worthy of his trust, not part of him. That his fears were well founded would make no difference. Jarod looked over at the older man and the anguish he saw portrayed in his eyes gripped his own heart. For Sydney to admit and to tell him this much placed a great burden on his shoulders and also made Sydney more vulnerable to Jarod. For once he didn't have a witty retort to what Sydney had told him.  
The two men sat in silence for a while, each locked in their own thoughts. Finally it was Sydney who said, "I think I'm going to lie down for a short while, if you don't mind. I'm tired now."  
Jarod helped him up from the couch and Sydney walked to the bedroom under his own steam. His movements that of an old man.  
  
Jarod let him have some time for himself before he followed Sydney into the bedroom. Sydney had tried to get undressed, but finding the effort too much of a strain he had given up and decided to lie clothed on top of the bed and was now pretending to be dozing. Jarod wasn't fooled.  
"Are you still thinking of going ahead with the escape?"  
Sydney opened his eyes wearily, "Yes, if it is possible."  
"I see that if we want Miss Parker to engage in our plan, we have to use different tactics. Once we have Miss Parker Broots will follow on his own. I don't think he will be a problem. To have her on our side we will have a tactical advantage. She knows more about company's policies and securities than you and me together."  
"More than you, Jarod," Sydney asked mischievously.  
"Yes. Broots will provide the computer skills necessary to disable all the cameras and find the blueprints for possible escape routes. Better still, we can use Angelo for the escape routes. His knowledge of the duct ways and the corridors is uncanny. I would go as far to say that his knowledge might even going beyond blueprints of the Centre.  
I could rig up an alarm-disruptor from the outside, but I would rather have Broots on it from the inside. You are needed to get every calm and out of the building. Most of them trust you explicitly. But I think we will need one more person to herd them all out. You can't do it on your own. We also need another person to cover our backs.  
My dad and I can wait outside for you in two get-away vans. But we need a minimum of two extra people to accomplish just the escape from the inside," he glanced at Sydney for approval and saw regret in his eyes, "Why the sadness? The plan could work!"  
"Yes, I know, Jarod. At least a minimum of two more people. Suppose it works out all right! Suppose we get them all out of the Centre! Suppose we get everybody to safety!"  
Jarod couldn't understand where Sydney was leading to and why he was getting so agitated. They were discussing the escape plan, weren't they? Wasn't it Sydney who was adamant they pursued this line of thinking? With luck they could even be successful, couldn't they? What about positive thinking? He frowned questioningly at Sydney.  
"The Centre, Jarod, what about the Centre? (-Jarod's frown grew deeper-) Who's going to stop the Centre from restarting their programmes, abducting other children and maybe going to ground?"  
Jarod's first instinct was to tell Sydney not to be such a pessimist, but he knew Sydney was right. In that light, planning an escape sounded simple, might even be easily accomplished. Jarod sat back and looked up at Sydney. The older man stared sadly ahead of him. The strain of the last few days apparent on his face and fever spots had gradually returned. How many times had he run the scenarios through his mind? How many times had he come to a dead end?  
Strangely enough, Jarod felt guilty. How often had he accused Sydney of not caring, staying on at the Centre and not doing anything for the children, the "experiments", at the Centre? Sydney was right, just "saving the children" wasn't the only issue here. The whole and utter destruction of the Centre should be their main aim if they wanted to succeed properly and if they wanted to ensure the safety of the children they were going to rescue and the unknown children of the future.  
Sydney could live with that concept and, Jarod suspected, so could Broots, but there was no way they would get Miss Parker's aid in the down fall of the Centre. Maybe the escape, but the Centre...  
When Jarod looked up again he saw that Sydney had drifted off in slumber. He covered Sydney with the blanket, careful not to disturb him and than retreated to the living room, certain that he could leave him sleeping on his own without any worry. How wrong can you be? About an hour after he had left Sydney to sleep and made himself comfortable on the couch, he was woken up by a scream from Sydney.  
  
Dreamscape  
Darkness surrounded him like a cloak wherever he turned, almost tangible. No, not quite. There was a pinprick of light, just to the left and Sydney moved towards it. With no transition he stood in front of the Centre, the massive building towering over him. He looked at it with contempt. "Business as usual and another day at the office," he sneered, surprised by his own voice.  
"Don't you want to go in, Freud?" he heard the voice of Miss Parker say.  
He turned around and saw her standing behind him in her most stern stance, a sneer on her face. He moved towards her, but she lithely danced out of his way. Another step, another avoidance. He gave up and stood still.  
"Why are you not in the Centre?" he asked.  
"But we are, Sydney, can't you see?" she slowly waved her arms around. They were still outside, but the trees seemed to be made of steel girders, the grass like concrete and the bushes shimmered in a resemblance of desks. "There is no escape from the Centre, Sydney. You can try, but you won't succeed," her laughter was ringing in his ears when he tried running away from the building. But wherever he turned normal everyday objects and landscapes were turned into the Centre layout of corridors and rooms.  
He stood still, "There must be a way out. There has to be."  
"Oh, Sy-ydney," Miss Parker again. He turned around once more. She stood in front of the Centre, the children and the people Jarod and he had been discussing grouped around her. Scared faces stared back at him.  
"You can have these if you want them. We don't need them anymore. We can have hundreds even thousands of them if we want to." With a click of her fingers a whole mass of people of all ages was assembled to the right of Sydney, another click and more were standing to the left of him. More clicks followed until he felt suffocated by the sheer mass of them. Just when he thought he was going to be overwhelmed by them all, there was one more click and everybody disappeared. He could still feel their oppressive presence.  
"Now you see them, now you don't," Miss Parker giggled, "Have they gone or are they still there? Are you sure of what you seeing? Where are they now?" She clicked again and they were there, another click and they were gone. "I could play this game for hours. Can you stand the strain?"  
Sydney could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't want to be here.  
"O-o-oh, but Sydney, you don't want to leave without them, would you now?" The smaller group of people were grouped around her again. This time he could even make out Jarod among them. Funny, he hadn't seen him the first time.  
He moved towards the group, but they seemed to retreat. Again he stopped.  
"I give you two choices," Miss Parker started again, "You can forget about the whole deal and stay with us. Doing what you do best, cowering and taking orders. I show you what you will look like in a couple of years." She waved her hand and in front of her was a twisted replica of himself. He looked old and worn, sneering insanely back at him. His back bend, all semblance of dignity gone. Stroking the hair of one of the children in a mockery of parenthood. The real Sydney shuddered at the spectre.  
"Or you could them and be damned," she screamed. And with another wave of her hand towards the group she made them explode. Bits of flesh and bones were hurled at him, the blood smearing his face. Angelo lay cowering on the ground, his legs a mess. Jarod was slowly stripped of his skin and crawled towards Sydney with an arm outstretched, "Help me, please Sydney, it hurts."  
Sydney backed away from the carnage, but they followed him and finally the scream that had been building in him tore free. "No-o-o, not like this!"  
  
When Jarod entered the room he found Sydney curled up in bed, tears streaming down his face. Great wracking sobs made his shoulders heave. Jarod walked to the bed, gathered Sydney in his arms and tried to calm him down. It was a while before he succeeded.  
Sydney felt rather embarrassed for showing so much emotion. "It was just a stupid nightmare brought on by our conversation," he explained away sheepishly, "It's quite silly to tell yourself horror stories before you fall asleep. This is the result." He grinned wryly.  
Jarod wasn't taken in by the flippancy and asked if he could remember any of it, sometimes talking about a nightmare made it go away. Sydney complied and told him as much as he could remember. "You see, it was just a result of the conversation. The fear of failing. The knowledge that it might start all over again. My fear of not being strong enough to see it through. All basic textbook concepts. Even a psychiatrist is just a human being." He gave a sardonic smile.  
Jarod knew that the nightmare had shocked Sydney deeply, "But that doesn't mean that your fears aren't without foundation. Don't worry, Sydney, we will find a way. Give me some time to think about it." He squeezed Sydney's hand and the older man found comfort in it.  
  
Later that evening Miss Parker rang them and asked after Sydney. Jarod told her that he was doing fine and that he just needed a week's rest to get himself back together again. She sounded pleased and relieved by the progress. It shouldn't be long before he would be back at the Centre again. When he said those words he glanced over at Sydney and the overwhelming sadness that issued from him almost made Jarod end the conversation. He looked away and continued talking to Miss Parker, "He has a hairline crack on one of his ribs. We've been to the hospital at Horne Bay and we told them a story that he was attacked by muggers and couldn't remember who they were. When we get closer to the time that he is well enough, maybe you can use that story at the Centre and maybe you can pick him up from a motel where I will be dropping him off. No, I don't think it will be a good idea to do it just yet. Give him another week to get his strength back. And than it will be business as usual."  
He didn't see the shudder Sydney gave when those words reminded him of his nightmare. Had he not himself told Parker a couple of days ago that there were always choices? He just hoped they had enough time to make the right one.  
  
When Jarod finished the call, he found Sydney staring intently at him. "We have to do something, Jarod. We can't let the Centre continue with their inhuman practices."  
"You are quite right, Sydney, but what?"  
"We have to bring the Centre down!"  
"Just like that?"  
"Just like that! I know it's not going to be easy," he looked away for a moment and gave a mirthless laugh, "Hell, it might be impossible. We might not even be around to see them rise from the ashes again. But I know we have to try. Just saving the children is not enough. They will just start the programmes up again. Of that I'm sure."  
Jarod looked up guiltily, "I have been gathering information on their activities for the last couple of years, even downloading information."  
"I know, or rather I guessed as much for a long while."  
Jarod looked at him quizzically, "And you did nothing to stop it? Sydney! You have been thinking along the same lines, have you?"  
"Yes, Jarod, I also have gathered information and for a lot longer than you did. In the beginning it started as a security measure. I am not that naïve to believe that one can work at the Centre and not be influenced by it or still be necessary to the organisation until you die of natural causes or go on retirement. What we are going to do with the information is another matter."  
Jarod looked at his mentor with renewed admiration. Sydney had to look away, feeling embarrassed. Jarod said with a smile on his face, "And there you had us all thinking that you were the softest of the three. Well, Mr Mysteryman, what's the next step?"  
"If I already knew what to do, I would have contacted you long before to discuss this, wouldn't I?" Sydney answered, annoyed with Jarod's inanity.  
"Maybe."  
"No, what we discussed earlier still holds. Nothing is changing that very much. I also realise that by sitting back on our hands we are not going to solve the problem. I am not sure how much time I have to be around to see it to its conclusion. (-"You'll live forever, Sydney."-) Nice try, Jarod, but flattery doesn't get you anywhere with me. I am going to be 63 this year. Any other man my age should be dreaming of retirement. It only gives me nightmares. With the knowledge what they have been doing, are still doing and what they can do..." he shuddered, "That brings us back to the first question, who do we involve?" Sydney stared forlornly ahead of him, "We have to try and win Miss Parker over. We might even have to tell her everything."  
"Sydney, what are you saying? We just spend the greater part of the day analysing why we can't involve Miss Parker by telling her or what she might do to you if you did. And now you're telling me, we just have to tell her and damn the consequences? Are you still feverish?"  
"I'm quite lucid, well - - as lucid as can be, thank you, and you're right, we will be damned with the consequences, whatever path we take. We both know that getting Miss Parker on our side will benefit either plan."  
"I know that, but our earlier discussions have also shown that should she decide not to be involved, for whatever reason, she could be our most formidable foe!"  
Sydney hung his head, "Yes, I know. And that is why I have decided to tell her everything."  
"She won't like it. She'll kill you on the spot."  
"She might and than again, she might not. That's a risk I have to take. She also might come to realise what a horror the Centre really is and what monsters dwell in it."  
"What will you do if she opposes the plan? Kill her?"  
"I don't think so. Restraining her might be a good option."  
Jarod threw his arms in the air and put a scowl on his face, which could not banish the merriment in his eyes, "You really must have taken leave of your senses. First, you don't care that she might kill you, than you think it will be a good idea to restrain a pissed-off, irritated, aggravated Miss Parker on your own..."  
"Who said anything about restraining her on my own?"  
"...Add to that a pissed-off, put upon Jarod..."  
"I can't do it on my own, whichever way you look at it. You yourself have been toying with the idea as well. We have to tell her before I go back to the Centre."  
"I really start to believe you are out of your mind. You are hardly well enough to undress yourself without breaking into a sweat. (-Sydney was embarrassed that Jarod had noticed-) Even in a week's time you will still be as weak as a kitten and..."  
"Stop, Jarod. I have made up my mind. I either tell her everything before I go back, with or without your help, or drop the whole plan."  
"You are serious, aren't you?" Jarod cocked an eye at him.  
"Weren't you?"  
"Yes, but..."  
"Jarod for years you have accused me of standing by the side, of following Centre's policies and hunting you down. Yet, secretly, I believe you enjoy being the prey, being hunted down, being the centre of attention and making faces at the Centre. "See how well I can do without you and see how many wrongs I can right against your evil?" To you it's all a game, isn't it?"  
"I wouldn't put it that way..."  
"It is a game to you, Jarod, a dangerous game for sure, but still nothing more than a game, an extended sim." Sydney could see the anger building in Jarod, but he had to be brought down a peg, so in his calm voice he pressed on, "If it wasn't, why leave us all the clues to make it able to find you? Why do you keep contacting me, insulting me at times." Sydney's calm, measured tones were starting to penetrate Jarod's armour.  
"My mind..."  
"Your mind is brilliant. It just loathes boredom."  
"Revenge for the years that have been taken from me..."  
"Poppycock, Jarod. Revenge was only a by-line to you."  
"My family..."  
"If you really wanted to find them all, if you really wanted to disappear, you could. You know you can. Maybe you didn't want to..."  
"You..." Jarod jumped up, anger blazing in his eyes, intent on laying his hands around Sydney's throat and squeezing the life out of him. To let him eat all the words he had been saying to him.  
Sydney had been expecting this, as a matter of fact instigated it. He had to find out if he could stand up to an anger-assault of "his children" and if he could still control their actions.  
During the heated conversation he had gradually thrown the covers off, pleased that Jarod's mind was otherwise occupied, and now wasn't hindered when he rolled to the other side of the bed, out of harms way of Jarod's grasping hands.  
Jarod clutched at empty air where Sydney's throat was supposed to be. He snarled and turned to the other side of the bed where Sydney had disappeared from view. Only a small part of him wondered what had happened to his normal, cool collected self.  
Sydney had rolled off the bed and grunted when, despite the easy landing, he landed on his left side. He was out of breath and slightly dizzy. "Maybe I tried it too soon," he mused while he determined Jarod's next actions.  
  
When Jarod got around to the other side of the bed he partly took in that Sydney was trying to get into an upright position and failing miserably. The other part had malice in mind and he practically launched himself at the older man.  
Sydney had rolled onto his back and parried Jarod's attack with his right arm. The full weight of Jarod crashed on top of him and knocked the breath out of him. Before he could say anything, Jarod had landed a right-handed punch on his jaw. When Jarod moved his right hand back to release another punch (-in panic Sydney realised that it might land on his already battered ribs-), he managed to get some of his breath back and in a commanding tone of voice said, "Stop! Jarod, end now!"  
As if a switch had been thrown Jarod ceased. He shook his head in bewilderment and stumbled off Sydney. When he looked down he stared in Sydney's pain filled eyes.  
"I...I am sorry, Syd," he said when he helped his mentor up who all but fell into the bed, clutching his side more tightly and breathing heavily. "I don't know what came over me. If you hadn't stopped me... I don't know what I would have done to you. I'm sorry." He was as pale-faced as Sydney and looked utterly dejectedly. Guilt bringing tears close to the surface.  
Sydney took quick, short breaths and tried to grin at Jarod through his pain, "You have nothing to feel sorry about, Jarod. It is I who should apologise. I pushed too far, too fast and too hard. My own stupid experiment gone wrong, especially since, as you said, I am not up to it at the moment." He lay back into the pillows, completely drained.  
"Some of what you said was true, I have to be honest. Maybe that was what made me so angry. But not all of it!"  
"I know, Jarod," Sydney's voice sounded tired, "It was unfair to you, but I had to know how you would react. I had to know if I could fend for myself. I should have tried in a couple of days." He coughed and clutched his side tightly.  
"You alright, Syd?"  
"I will be," Sydney answered, his mind already drifting off after the exertion, "Just give me some time to get my breath back." Before he knew it he was asleep.  
  
Jarod looked down on his sleeping form with a mixed feeling of guilt, sorrow and anger. Guilt of losing his control like that, even if Sydney had instigated it in the first place. Sorrow for what this whole line of thought was putting them through. And anger for the feelings and thoughts Sydney had risen in him. Even if it was done as calculatingly as Sydney had intended, he had no right to say that he had not been looking for his family and implying that they had not been foremost in his heart and mind. Again he could feel his anger build in him and made an effort to calm it down.  
  
Sydney had no right to weasel these feeling out of him. He was still as manipulative as he had been when he was his mentor at the Centre. What if this was all a ruse to get him back to the Centre? No, on second thought it must have been Sydney's Catholic upbringing and the need for absolution of any kind. How many people was he going to bring down with him in the process? Jarod left the room leaving Sydney to his own nightmares, while he made himself comfortable on the couch once more to catch up on some sleep.  
  
Sorry, had planned to finish this "short" story in three parts. Logic demands that I will have to write a concluding part. A confrontation with Miss Parker should be the conclusion, for better or for worse. Bear with me.  



	4. Haunting memories 4 (end)

Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just burrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
Title:Haunting memories 4  
Author:Giton  
Rating:R, I guess, some Angst involved  
Spoilers:Maybe Season 4  
Keywords:Sydney's past is catching up  
Summary: Confronting Miss Parker might be too much (last part)  
  
Haunting Memories 4  
By Giton  
  
Run, rabbit, run  
The plains stretched as far as he could see, stretching underneath his wings. The wind ruffled his feathers and his eagle eyes spotted the rabbit running and hopping in the far distance. He locked unto the target, tugged his wings in and plummeted towards the unsuspecting prey. Faster, closer, right on the spot. His talons were aimed downwards...   
A short, blank moment.  
He looked up and saw the eagle soaring towards him, his outstretched talons only seconds away. Sharp, piercing talons griping his side, the beak came down...  
  
And Sydney awoke with a start, gasping for breath, sweat pouring down his face, his side burning like hell. For a brief moment he panicked, but when he found the room empty he lay back with relief, his heartbeat slowing down. Jarod must be sleeping in the other room. He hoped that this time his dream had not woken him up. They both needed their rest. The symbolism in the dream was too obvious to dwell on or to analyse. He turned slightly over onto his right side and fell asleep again.  
  
Office murmurs  
He found himself standing in his own office. It was quiet and dark. He moved behind his desk and sat down. Somebody had posted a note to his computer screen and he recognized Miss Parker's handwriting. He leaned forward in his chair to read it "Meet me in my office" short and succinct. He sighed, no rest for the wicked.  
He stood up... and stood in front of Miss Parker's desk.  
"There you are, Sydney, sit down." She sensually greeted him, a small smile playing around her lips. "Feeling better now?" She didn't wait for an answer, "I have heard little rumours. "Nothing to worry about," I said, "Sydney is no traitor!" Or are you, my dear old friend? Or are you really thinking of blowing up the Centre? If you do, do it right this time. The last one was rather a very incompetent attempt. Or was it exposing? I can't be sure which one they said it was." She looked quasi quizzical and put her forefinger on the edge of her jaw. She stood up and was now slowly moving to the front of the desk where Sydney was seated. She stopped in front of him, looking down on his guilt-ridden face.  
"Oo-ooh, do I detect truth in the rumours?" She caressed the side of his face lightly with a fingertip, "Is Freud turning tail? When you bring the Centre down, you will have to explain your part in it. Are you ready for it? A man of your age spending his last years in prison, doesn't sound too good." She took a step back, "And do I also understand that you have information on my mother? Which is rightfully mine!" There was fire blazing in her eyes now, "What you want to do with the Centre doesn't really bother me, you know that, or maybe you don't. Which is it to be? But withholding secrets about my mother..."  
Without warning her hand lashed out and she hit him on the side of his face. "I should have listened to my father. He said you couldn't be trusted. (-Another slap-) That you weren't a team player. (-She lashed out again-) Had I known about it, I would have shot higher in the Bronx." She lifted her arm again, but this time the dream-Sydney found the strength to stand up against her and block the blow. Holding her wrist in his hand and forcing it down, away from his face. With the other hand he found her other wrist and forced that down as well. They were standing very close to each other and he could feel her warm breath on his chin.  
"Hmm, Syd-ney, what thoughts are preying on your mind?" She swayed and gave him a seducing smile.  
He wasn't going to be dragged into her game and forced himself not to release her wrists.  
She looked up, staring intently in his eyes, "Where you this close to my mother too?"  
"No, never like that..."  
"Had my father any reason to doubt your trust then?"  
"No, he..."  
"You can't really blame him for finding devious ways to keep an eye on you at the Centre."  
"The Centre destroys..."  
"I trusted you, Syd. I bet my mother did as well. I saw you as a father. Did she see you as my father?" Her eyes were roving quizzically over his face and were pleased when she saw the hurt in his eyes, "Don't tell me you didn't find her attractive. Or me?"  
"She was attractive, Parker, and so are you. You are her spitting image. But she was married and you are like a daughter to me. I wouldn't..."  
"Wouldn't you, Freud?" She moved closer. He looked down at her and her face twisted into a parody of a fallen Angel.  
He stepped back, releasing her wrists and shouted, "Enough! I won't let the Centre twist you even more. Look at the truth, Parker. I dare you to tell me than that the Centre is good!"  
"Was it the Centre that twisted me, Sydney," she moved slowly closer again, like a predatory cat, "Or was it you who twisted me. Telling me I'm a good girl, but never stopping me from hunting your precious little lab rat. Never stopping me from enjoying power. Not trusting me with your little secrets." Jarod had appeared from nowhere and was standing behind Miss Parker and his arms were protectively around her. Both were grinning maliciously at him and coming closer. He backed away from them until he could feel the wall in his back.  
"We couldn't be trusted with your little secrets, couldn't we, Syd?" They intoned together, "We were just "children" you could reject, were we, Syd? (-Sydney shook his head in silent protest-) Were we just part of your little secrets?"  
He had nowhere to escape and they came closer and closer... "No-o-o..."  
  
He awoke with a start, his heart hammering in his chest. Deep gulping breaths, which only caused his side to hurt. He rolled over to his right side and squeezed his eyes shut.  
Jarod had heard him the first time and deliberately stayed put. When he didn't hear the sound repeated he had turned over and had fallen asleep again. The second time Sydney's shout had been so heartrending that he jumped from the couch and all but ran into the bedroom.  
Sydney had just woken up from a nightmare and was looking with fear at Jarod. Jarod moved over to Sydney and calmed him down. He had the impression that he must have been part of Sydney's nightmare, for the older man backed away from him when he approached him. "It's alright, Sydney, it was only a dream. I am here." Sydney finally let him get closer and calm him down.  
Jarod wondered how long it would be before Sydney would sleep peacefully again and how much of the nightmares could be contributed to the administered drugs and how much to Sydney's own present unsettled mind.  
  
The next days Sydney did his utmost to get his strength back. He took care to rest a lot. He was determined to speak to Miss Parker and to speak to her with enough strength that, should it occur, he wouldn't turn into a weak old fool, should she become violent.  
Jarod was concerned. He couldn't deviate Sydney from his chosen idea to tell Miss Parker and strangely, he really didn't want to. Sydney's dreams were still plagued with nightmares even if they seemed to have abated a little. His side was still hurting him tremendously, but he insisted on doing certain breathing-exercises to speed up recovery. Jarod wasn't sure that they were benefiting him much, but if Sydney believed they did, the battle was half won.   
  
Four days after returning from the hospital Jarod had to go out to get some provisions. The supplies he had picked up on the day they returned from the hospital were running low. Besides, both men had a week old stubble and though both men looked rather handsome with a beard, they preferred to be clean-shaven.  
He announced to Sydney he was going out and found him doubled over in pain, or so he thought. He rushed over to help Sydney out.  
"What are you doing, Jarod?" Sydney gasped in indignation.  
"You were in pain and..."  
"I was just having some problems straightening up. I still have not recovered, but I thought doing some yoga-exercises might help me along better. Guess I have to wait for another couple of days."  
"Are you sure you want to start doing it now? You should rest..."  
"Jarod, I am tired of the word rest, let alone the action. Stop fussing, do your errands. I promise I will sit here very quietly until you return, Now go!" He gave him a soft smile to take the sting out of his words.  
"I'll be back soon." Jarod left the house quickly.  
  
Sydney sighed a breath of relief. Being a bachelor all his life, he wasn't used to having someone around the house continuously, especially not a "mother-hen". Mind, he loved Jarod like his own son and maybe someday he would tell him, but being mothered 24 hours a day... Even "family" could be too much of a fine thing. True, given the circumstances, he needed mothering, but now that he was on the road to recovery a little bit of privacy was preferred.  
He got up from the floor and winced in pain. No, strenuous yoga-exercises at this time would have to wait. It wasn't such a good idea after all. But he didn't want to wait too long to get his strength back. He didn't want to lose the resolve to confront Miss Parker.  
He decided to move to the living room and engage in watching mind-numbing television rather than being bored by the four walls of the bedroom.  
Pressing his arm to the side, his sling being a nuisance at times, he flopped onto the couch and reached for the remote control, but instead of pressing the ON-button he tapped the device to his chin and surveyed the room. One thing he must say, Jarod kept the place quite tidy. Miss Parker would have nothing to complain about that. He put the remote down.  
Ah, Miss Parker. How should he breach the subject? Demure? Contrite? Playing on her female instincts not to harm a weak, old man? A stab of remembered pain when Jarod had pounced on him went through him. A repeat performance was not desired.  
No, whatever the consequences, he would tackle it with resolve and strength, as the saying goes: head on.  
He and Jarod had been avoiding the issue once it had been voiced. They had talked and discussed a numerous amount of topics and subjects, but any mentioning of "the plan" made them pull up short. Or rather, Jarod wasn't comfortable yet discussing it, which worried Sydney. He thought Jarod would have been elated with the thought of bringing the Centre down. Guess he was mistaken.  
Doubt of involving Miss Parker started gnawing at his insides.  
No, he had to go ahead now. Once he had decided to take this road his sleep had been plagued with the chance of failure and his apprehension.  
  
When Jarod returned he found Sydney dozing on the couch and waking up the minute he entered. Judging from the dark circles under his eyes, Jarod wondered if that was what he had been doing for the last couple of nights instead of having a normal sleep. For the last couple of nights Sydney had only woken him up from his own sleep once with another nightmare.  
"You have only been dozing instead of sleeping lately, have you Sydney?" Jarod stated.  
"I have been resting."  
"Resting, yes! Dozing, yes! But not sleeping, am I right?"  
"Why ask if you know the answer? Just say, I don't fancy my dreams at the moment."  
"Are you positive you want to go ahead with it?"  
"Yes! Part of my nightmares is not doing anything. Maybe I'll sleep better afterwards." Neither man voiced the unspoken thought "or be dead by Miss Parker's hand".  
Jarod changed the subject, "I bought us a shaving kit. Do you want me to shave you?"  
Sydney ran his hand over his week's growth and although he could take his arm out of the sling he also knew that his hands would be shaking too much. He smiled at Jarod, "That would be appreciated, provided you don't do a Sweeney on me."  
Jarod grinned his "boy grin" back, "I'll promise not to cut you."  
  
Two days later Sydney announced he was well enough to meet Miss Parker.  
"Sydney, you must be joking," Jarod replied, "If you are well enough I am the King of Siam."  
Sydney bowed in mock reference. "I can postpone it indefinitely, Jarod, or I can face it as soon as possible. Now seems like a good time as any."  
"Now... would be suicide. Physically... (-"I am well enough"-) you're still too weak. Mentally... (-"I am not mad, but lucid."-) you're totally unfit..."  
"Are you finished Jarod? Fine! If you could set up a meet for, say, tomorrow. Whatever the outcome, I'll be out of your hair soon."  
"But Sydney..."  
"No, Jarod, the anticipation is hurting me just as much as the actual injury. Set it up for tomorrow." He got up and left the room, leaving Jarod in the living room wondering where everything had gone wrong. He reached for his cell-phone and dialled a number, "Miss Parker..."  
  
The next morning they drove to a motel near Horne Bay. It was normally used for summer day-trippers, so it was all very quiet now. Jarod glanced over at Sydney a couple of times while he was driving and wasn't too happy with either his pallor or the dark circles under his eyes, which proved another sleepless night. "Didn't get too much sleep last night?" he asked lightly, already knowing the answer. A small "grumph" came from the right. "Why don't you doze for a while? I'll wake you up when we get to the motel." This time an affirmative "grumph".  
  
Renewal wing  
The corridor was dark. Only here and there a small light showed, which did nothing more than emphasize the darkness. Why was he here? Which corridor was he in?  
He couldn't see anything recognisable. No, Wait, this must be the Renewal wing. He gritted his teeth in disgust. Oh yes, he knew this wing well. Hadn't he spent some time in there after the bomb blast? He moved cautiously forward, still unsure why he should be here.   
After a couple of steps he came to a partly open door. He looked in.  
Inside, the room was almost as dark as the corridor he was standing in. A lone figure sat on a cot.  
"Who's there?" it cried. Sydney didn't answer. "Ah, well, if you don't want to make yourself known, so be it."  
Sydney wondered who the man could be... then there was light and Sydney recognized himself from when he was being "re-educated". Unshaven, unkempt, blindly staring forward and wearing the same sweatshirt for days. He remembered how he had hated that smell and the condition he had been left in.  
The dream-Sydney got up from the bed and moved towards him with a sureness of step, which belied his blindness, stopping only inches away from him, sightless eyes looking into his face. It was very disconcerting to see and it brought a smile of amusement to him to know that he must have rattled some of his "educators" composure indeed if this was the effect he must have had on them.  
"Who are you than?" the dream-Sydney asked, "You don't smell like the others."  
"A friend," he answered quietly.  
The dream-Sydney snorted, "Are you going to let me out?"  
Sydney was startled, he was looking at the dream-Sydney, but the question was made in Jarod's voice.  
It continued in Jarod's voice, "Please, Sydney, let me out of here. They beat me, they don't feed me and they leave me in the dark. (-it changed to Jacob's young boy's voice-) I don't want to be left alone. They will forget me. I am afraid. (-it changed to Miss Parker's young voice-) I want my mommy. Get me out of here, please Sydney. (-a chorus of voices-) Please, Sydney! (-his own voice-) You have to get us out of here, we're being buried here. We're suffocating, please."  
The dream-Sydney advanced on him and he retreated. The dream-Sydney stretched out a groping hand and touched him... he was shrouded in darkness.  
Maniacal laughter sounded in front of him and he recognised Raines', "The blind leading the blind on the merry-go-round. Where are you going to lead them, Sydney, if you don't know where your are going?" Raines took him by the shoulders and spun him around.  
A cacophony of voices surrounded him, "Rescue... safe... lead... help... please..."  
He was spun faster and didn't know where he was going. He stumbled and fell...and fell...  
  
Sydney awoke with a start. His eyes moving rapidly from right to left. For a moment he had no idea where he was. Then he remembered and allowed himself to lean back into the headrest, closing his eyes briefly, before denying himself to drop into another slumber.  
Jarod asked if he was alright and with a confirmation from Sydney let the matter drop. It wasn't too difficult to figure out what the dream was all about.  
  
They arrived at the motel around noon and made themselves comfortable. Jarod had used up all the bread and prepared sandwiches before they left and they were eating some of them for lunch. The motel room came with a kettle and they managed to make some coffee and settle themselves before Miss Parker arrived.  
"Last chance, Sydney, you sure you want to go through with it?"  
"Yes," then more definite, "I am quite positive."  
"Have you decided what tact you are going to use?"  
"Just go with the flow, I guess."  
"Does this mean I have to restrain her?" Jarod asked mischievously.  
Sydney smiled, "I hope nothing that drastic."  
"Will I have to restrain myself?" Jarod asked softly.  
"I hope not, Jarod," Sydney answered with less surety.  
They sat in awkward silence. For two people who had to tell each other so much it was uncanny.  
  
Miss Parker showed up mid-afternoon. She was alone. "Hi guys. Hope you didn't have to wait long? Don't worry," she said looking at the glum faces and misconstruing their meaning, "I switched cars before I got here. I didn't see anybody following me, so I think we are safe from the Centre. God, all these cloak and dagger games. Even after all these years one never gets used to it."  
She looked at both men. Normally they wouldn't let her rant this much. She had been worried about Sydney, yes, she knew he would not be jumping up and down -well, at least not for a while- and she was a bit nervous coming here, hence the ranting. But both men looked as if the cat had died after dragging something repulsive in. She was a bit miffed with their reaction.  
"Hey, you don't have to be overjoyed to see me, but at least a weak "Hello Miss Parker" would suffice," she now almost glared at them and Jarod wondered if their initial reaction could jeopardise Sydney's resolve.  
"Hello, Miss Parker," he said belatedly, "It has nothing to do with you..."  
"Yes it has," said Sydney softly and Jarod could almost hit him for being too frank, "We are happy to see you, though, even if we might have given you a different impression."  
She sat down and faced them. Jarod seemed to be ill at ease, more than usual. She knew he must still fear to be taken by her to the Centre, but she had promised a truce until Sydney was well enough to return to the Centre. She wasn't going to renege on that.  
Sydney looked better from when she had last seen him, but it was obvious that he wasn't well yet. His face was still white with fatigue and the dark circles under his eyes showed that he had not been sleeping well. Every time he shifted his position she could see the ghost of pain flit past his face, even when he tried to disguise it... badly. A sling supported his left arm and she wondered why they had thought it would be a good idea for her to pick him up and return him to the Centre now. Maybe they got on each other's nerves, she mentally grinned.  
"So, is anybody going to tell me what's going on, or are we going to play the cat-got-your-tongue game until we die of old age?"  
Jarod looked furtively at Sydney and Sydney was desperately trying to find the right opening words. Miss Parker's patience was wearing thin. Patience had never been her strong point and both men were stretching it to the limit. She lit a cigarette.  
"It is rather difficult to start," began Sydney, shifting uncomfortably and not only because of the injury, "It is rather delicate and I am not sure if you will appreciate the knowledge..."  
She sat back in her chair, it sounded interesting.  
Sydney fidgeted for a moment, something she hadn't known him to do for a long while. It was so unlike him and she started to wonder what news could bring this on.  
Finally Sydney considered starting at the beginning might be a good place to start as any. Maybe he had to muddle through with it and maybe she would get upset with it all; he had to cross that bridge when he came to it. He sat back and started to tell his story.  
  
Sydney relates  
I was still a young man when your mother approached me to work at the Centre. I had just published my thesis on the education of possible super-children, future super geniuses if you like. I truly believed in it then and so did Catherine.  
She described the Centre to me as a place, which strived to do good for humanity. A place where scientists and doctors of all fields were trying to find ways to eradicate all ills in the world, like poverty, starvation and war. A place that was dedicated to finding solutions to everlasting peace among nations and freedom for all, long before anybody ever heard of hippies and their ideals. If my ideas could work to create super geniuses, their knowledge and skills could be used to reach those goals.  
It was the beginning of the 60's. World War 2 had ended and the Vietnam War hadn't even started, people were rebuilding the world. We were still idealistic and her enthusiasm infective. I had not decided what to do yet and the idea of working with children, testing my ideas that I had set forth in my thesis and at the same time become a pawn to help humanity was too much of a temptation to refuse and I accepted her offer.  
In those days the Centre was set to reach those goals, even Mr Parker was a most dedicated man to the cause. Had you told me then that it would chance into the monstrosity it is today I would have laughed in your face and would be pointing out all the good things we were doing.  
All went well for a while and I was feeling at home for the first time in a long while. Catherine was almost like a dear sister to Jacob and me, and the three of us would often go out together.  
I don't know when it happened, at least not the right date, but Mr Parker was approached by the Triumvirate who saw more in the Centre than a load of do-gooders. It saw the potential to amass power! Find a cure for a disease and sell it to the highest bidder. Create a defence system and sell it to the most aggressive who had just bought the latest weapons to try out on their neighbours. But neither Catherine nor we knew about it until it was too late.  
We were supplied with gifted children, normally by spotters who approached the parents with promises of a better life or career for the young potentials and the parents were quite honoured to let their children be raised to become the next generation of super geniuses, which parent wouldn't. By that time it was like sending your child to a private school without having to pay the tuition fees.  
Catherine married Mr Parker and we saw less of her at the Children's wing. We saw even less of her outside working-hours. She was now the Chairman's wife and they tried to make us believe that she didn't want to see us because of that. We didn't believe it, of course.  
Then Raines joined the team as well. I had never really liked him. His methods were too extreme to be viable. When I complained about it to Mr Parker, he said that the Centre had to try out new ways to see if they might work better than proven and tested older ideas. We weren't happy with it, but who was to say if those ideas couldn't work. We should have known better.  
When we first realised that the Triumvirate was running the Centre instead of the Centre running itself, we knew it was too late.  
  
Sydney coughed and paused to drink some water. Miss Parker sat very quietly, not giving away any of her feelings and trying to determine where the story was leading to. Jarod was just quiet. Neither of the two had ever heard the right story of the Centre's beginnings and were amazed to hear that it was considered once as a force for good. Sydney continued.  
  
By that time they brought children to us who were in trauma of being taken away from their parents and we started to suspect that they had not been taken with their parent's consent. Jacob left the Centre to find out what was going on.  
It was in this period that they brought you, Jarod, to the Centre and put you in my care. It was with your coming that my suspicion grew. Your behaviour was not of a boy who was just taken from his parents, it reeked of kidnapping. I was seriously considering leaving then and find a way to expose the Centre to the authorities.  
But the Triumvirate needed me to keep the project going and they knew they had to find a way to keep me there. They staged the car accident that made me believe that Claudia was killed in the accident, threatening me with a reckless driving and murder charge. It kept me quiet for a short while.  
You, Jarod, kept me busy in those days while I was trying to cope with Claudia's presumed death. Not only that, but you were the first of all the children so far who showed the potential we had been searching for. I must admit, it was pure cowardice on my side that kept me working at the Centre in those days and pride in my work. I hope you can forgive me for that.  
Now I had another reason I couldn't leave or be "disposed" of. Had that been the case Raines would have completely taken over and would have twisted my work into a reproduction of his own twisted mind. A few times he managed to do it and every time, on my return, I would find the children in complete distress.  
Jacob had not been sitting still in the meantime and had proof that not all was well in the Centre. Catherine had also devised a plan to set the children free. They left me in the dark as long as they could, thinking that I had now fully joined with the Centre. It didn't take long for Jacob to realise that this was not the case.   
Catherine Parker came to me since I was also the resident company shrink. (-Miss Parker looked up sharply-) The official complaint was that she had trouble sleeping and thought it was a psychological rather than a physical problem, was the official complaint. The truth was twofold. On the practical side we were able to discuss the plan to get the children out. For that purpose I suggested that we took out walks in the grounds, rather than have some of the sessions inside the Centre.  
The other reason she came to see me was that her husband had a violent side to his character...  
  
At that point Miss Parker jumped up and stood seething with rage in front of Sydney. When Jarod made a move to get up, a soft touch from Sydney's hand kept him seated.  
"You take that back! My father never harmed my mother!"  
"Didn't he, Miss Parker?" Sydney asked softly, "Think back to when you were seven years old. You had to spend some time with your mother's friend. Remember? Do you remember why?"  
"Ye-es," she said hesitantly, "my mother had picked up a cold or a virus and my father didn't want me to catch it too." She sat down again, still glaring at Sydney.  
"You can't remember their fight?"  
"There was no fight," she said defiantly, "That's all in your twisted mind."  
"She told me and she showed me the bruises, Miss Parker, and how she was afraid for your well-being. That was why you were send away for a short while."  
"That's a lie!" this time it was said with less confidence.  
"No, Parker, it wasn't."  
She was silent and Sydney continued.  
  
Mr Parker became increasingly more violent (-he ignored the hostile stares Miss Parker was giving him-), taking his frustration out on his wife. (-Jarod was now eying Miss Parker with alarm-) He must have been a troubled man himself in those days, torn between the ideal of doing good and the attraction of power. He never came to see me professionally and we all know which side won. But Catherine was visiting me regularly now.  
From what she told me I gathered that by then his violence wasn't that much physical anymore, but became more verbal and preferably when you were out of earshot. To justify it all he now started accusing her of having an affair with me. We had to move fast.  
  
"That's enough, Sydney," shouted Miss Parker and before Jarod could move and stop her, in one fluid movement she had leapt the distance separating her from Sydney. Literally going for his jugular. The force of her jump toppled Sydney's chair when she impacted with it. He fell back with a grunt while Jarod managed to stop her at the last minute to carry her attack forward.  
"Sydney, you alright?" Jarod called while he tried to restrain Miss Parker going for another attack. A painful grunt came from the toppled chair. In any other circumstance the situation might be called funny with Sydney's feet scissoring the air while trying to get up, as it was, Jarod was concerned about him. He looked at Miss Parker and knew he couldn't release her yet, a feral cat looked more placid compared to her, Sydney had to untangle himself.  
With some difficulty he extricated himself from the undignified position he was in. When he emerged from behind the chair his face was pasty white and drops of sweat were forming on his brow.  
"Are you alright, Syd?" Jarod asked worriedly.  
"I'll live." Sydney gasped.  
Jarod looked at Miss Parker, "Do I have your word that you will behave yourself?"  
"If he stops telling lies about my father."  
"They were not lies, Miss Parker. I wish they were," Sydney slowly eased himself in Jarod's chair, pressing his arm against his side trying to downplay the pain he was in, "Before the Triumvirate joined the game, Mr Parker was a good and respected man. It was not easy for me when I learned about his behaviour the first time. It is difficult to explain. It was obvious that he loved your mother very much, but the physical evidence was against him. I really wish it was a lie."  
Jarod could feel Miss Parker relax under his hold. He let her go. She sat down in her own chair and lit a cigarette. He up righted the upturned chair and sat in it, more watchful now.  
After making sure that Sydney was as well as could be under the circumstances, they all sat back to let him proceed, which he did after regaining his composure.  
  
All was set to go ahead with the plan, but somehow the Centre found out. Up till this day I don't know how they found out. I have been going over the days prior to that date and I keep running into a blind wall. As far as I know there were only a handful of people who knew about it. And none of them would betray what we were about to be doing. I don't know if we will ever find out who did tell on us.  
One of Jarod's simulations was going to disable the alarm system.  
(-"One of my simulations, Syd?" Jarod asked incredulously-)  
Yes Jarod. I don't know if you can remember running a simulation on the security system of a government building. We had to determine if it was possible for anyone to break in and bypass all the security codes. Your sim proved that it could be done and we were busy finding ways to make it more secure. The Centre runs on the same security protocols and your information was used by Major Charles to rig up a trigger to disable the system.  
(-"Oh," was all Jarod could say, remembering how he enjoyed that particular simulation-)  
Catherine and I were to work from the inside, while Jacob made everything ready on the outside to get away as fast and as far as possible and find a safe house until we could reunite the children with their families. Catherine would bring you, Miss Parker, to the Centre as well to include you in the escape.  
I wanted to delay that date of the plan, something just didn't "feel" right. I couldn't explain why, I only know that my instincts have saved me many times, but I couldn't put it into words.  
The first casualty was Jacob. Another car accident with me at the wheel, although I am sure that someone must have shot the tire to let the car run off the road. By sheer luck I wasn't killed, but it left Jacob in a coma.  
  
Sydney paused. Remembering that fateful night always left him with a sense of loss and pain. He took a minute to compose himself before resuming.  
  
Even with Jacob in hospital, your mother wanted to go ahead with the escape as planned. She knew where Jacob had hidden the getaway car and where we were going to take the children. Apart from getting Jacob out of the hospital, there was nothing that said we couldn't go ahead with it, bar my feelings.  
Catherine brought you to the Centre under the guise that you were going to play with Jarod as a reward to him for completing a sim successfully. But the next victim on their list was your mother. Presumably shot by Major Charles, one of the conspirators who conveniently had escaped, while she was trying to safe the children. You must believe me, I didn't know it was all staged to look like a murder and I did not know that she was still alive. I grieved for her, as I grieved for a sister and as I grieved for Jacob.  
I knew that there was nothing I could do, at least not on my own, to set the plan in motion then.  
I plodded on. All the people I cared for either dead or as good as dead.  
I even justified my work at the Centre now as a possibility to still bring good to the world. As long as I could raise them with some values, maybe things would work out different. Your friendship with Jarod was first frowned upon, but than it was seen as a catalyst to keep him obeying to do the simulations he had to do. As I saw you both grow up I regretted not having the strength to somehow go ahead with the plan. I should have done.  
  
"You would have been killed had you done so," interjected Jarod. "And where would we have been now?"  
"It's what I been telling myself all these years, but it still doesn't make it right, does it? Neither does starting to take pride in what I was doing. Oh yes, I am only human and some of the experiments wouldn't have been out of place in the same camp where I grew up. Maybe they were less inhumane nevertheless they shouldn't have been conducted."  
"Okay, Freud, now we know that you are a good person at heart and it was the Centre that made you do it. Maybe Ratboy is buying it al, but I'm not. Oh, I admit, you have good streaks in you, more than you should have working for the Centre, but you're not Mr Clean either, are you?"  
"I never purported to be "clean", Miss Parker, I know I'm not, I am simply regretting that I never took another chance to become clean again. Too long have I been rolling with the pigs in the mud for that."  
Miss Parker raised an eyebrow, "So, what are your plans. I don't think you been telling us all of this just to clear part of your conscience. No, wait, let me guess. You want to stage another plan to free the children. That's what it is all boiling down to, isn't it? Am I right?"  
"Yes," Sydney answered without preamble, "and maybe more."  
"More? You mean you got more up your sleeve and are now Mr Mastermind? I think Raines must have knocked you on the head harder than we thought."  
Sydney looked down at his hands and Jarod noticed that a sheen of moisture had started to form on his upper lip and forehead. Well, he had been talking for some time now and the attack of Miss Parker must have taken its toll as well. He also saw that, although well disguised, his breathing had changed to more shallow breaths.  
"Shall we all give it a rest for the moment," he suggested light-heartedly, "I bet Sydney could do with some, he has been talking almost all afternoon and my ears could do with some as well. Some coffee and sandwiches everybody?" He just hoped there was enough to go around. He didn't fancy leaving Sydney alone with Miss Parker to get something to eat and to call something in looked rather risky.  
Sydney shook his pale, tired head, "Coffee, yes please, Jarod, nothing to eat for me."  
Miss Parker said she could do with something to eat and coffee while still glaring at Sydney.  
While Jarod and Miss Parker were having their repast, Sydney leaned his head back against the chair. God, he was tired. After Miss Parker's attack his side hurt him more than he cared to admit or show, even small changes in position gave him sharp reminders. That, all the recounting and the lack of sleep had greatly exhausted him and before he could stop himself he had drifted off...  
  
To be free  
They had freed all the detainees in the Centre. The escape had been successful and all the operatives unhurt. Sydney was elated. It worked better than he could have hoped for. The safe house, the original house Jacob had chosen, was a grand affair set in a valley between high mountain ranges. They could all be happy here, well, for those who wanted to stay.  
First priority was to find the relatives. No problem there, they found them easily.  
Sydney and Jarod brought the first child, a girl, back to her parents, passing themselves off as FBI-officials. The parents were so happy to see their little girl, it warmed Sydney's old heart, it had all been worthwhile.  
They were having coffee -the parents insisted- with the reunited family in the living room. The girl standing between her two parents in front of the coffee table. She was going to cut the cake while Sydney and Jarod were filling the parents in with a fabricated rehearsed story. She picked up the knife, smiled at her parents, looked at the cake and turned round to slash at her parents throats in one quick movement.   
When she looked back at Sydney, the front of her dress and face were splattered with blood, the hand holding the knife almost slippery with it. She smiled her angelic smile at him. "Would you like a piece too?"  
Sydney screamed...  
  
The exhaustion on Sydney's face was quite apparent to Jarod and he was pleased to see that Sydney had nodded off and sleeping peacefully for the first time in days, Jarod noticed even noticed that a small smile had crept around the corners of Sydney's mouth.  
Miss Parker's voice drew his attention back to her, "Freud wants to free the children, doesn't he? (-a nod from Jarod-) And he wants my co-operation? (-another nod-) Then he has a strange way of asking me, telling lies about my father..."  
"Why would he lie about it to you?"  
"To make me hate him so much, that I couldn't care less who will suffer when we get the kids out. If we succeed the Triumvirate will make him pay for it. I can't let that happen! Neither can I let Sydney get away with it either."  
"After all that has happened, you really believe your father to be incapable of such cruelty? Who would you sooner believe, Parker?"  
"Both have lied to me in the past, or at least withheld information. I know, Sydney keeps telling me, when I find out about any secrets, that it had been all for my own good, but is it? So many secrets still buried. What if they both only tell me what they want me to know, or believe, for their own benefit? How much of what was said today is the full truth?  
You believe him, don't you? I can ask you the same thing, after all that has happened do you really believe Sydney to be incapable of lying to suit his own means? Somehow in the last couple of days his conscience has been playing up and he believes that by saving the children it will be wiped clean again and he will be on the Road to Redemption. Has he fully considered whom he is going to drag down with him?  
How come he never told you about Major Charles? I can't believe that he didn't know he was your father. After all his work at the Centre, we now have to believe that he didn't want to do what he had been doing all these years? Oh, sorry, I can understand that. He's a coward at heart, one who justifies his cowardice by claiming he did it to protect us, yeah, right."  
"In ways you are right, Miss Parker. But what if Jacob had recruited Major Charles? And, yes, Sydney does have a small streak of cowardice in him as have we all. From early on he learned to be a survivor, it has become a basic instinct to him."  
"What? Are you his shrink now?"  
"Maybe! But you have to admit, that if it hadn't been for Sydney, then Raines would have "taken care" of us and what would we have turned out to be? We have seen his handiwork. Which would you have preferred to become: a vegetable or an assassin?" He looked hard at Miss Parker. Anger was still smouldering behind her eyes, but she seemed to have calmed down somewhat.   
"At least with the help of Sydney we have been able to become as normal as can be expected."  
"I consider myself normal, thank you very much!"  
"Are you really, Parker? Your relationship with men bears witness to the contrary."  
"How dare you?" she hissed and glared at him, "That's totally uncalled for."  
"Is it? If it hadn't been for me, Thomas..."  
"You?" she scoffed, "Why, you..."  
A muffled scream from Sydney stopped their bickering. His eyes had opened and he looked in bewilderment around him, the dream not having completely left his retina.  
  
Jarod and Miss Parker both went to his side. He looked at them sadly before doubling over in pain. They helped him get out of the chair and over to the bed, where they eased him on the pillows.  
"Rest now," Jarod said, pushing Sydney gently back in the pillows when he started to rise again.  
No, Sydney shook his head silently. The dream-images, which still gripped his mind and the pain in his side making it impossible for him to speak yet.  
Jarod looked over at Miss Parker, silently asking for her help. She came over to the other side of the bed and laid her hand gently on Sydney's shoulder, "Jarod is right, you should take a rest now, Syd, even if it was only for a short while." She smiled awkwardly, embarrassed with her show of emotion.  
Sydney nodded and lay back in the pillows, trying to ease his breathing. His eyes wanted to close so badly, God, he was exhausted, but the remembrance of the dream forced them open again.  
"Sydney, you can't go on like this. You're wearing yourself out. You haven't had a decent sleep for days now," Jarod spoke with concern. Miss Parker looked over at Jarod, a question on her brow. Jarod shook his head.  
Finally Sydney spoke gain, "I have to finish, before I lose my resolve. I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll be dragged further down into my nightmares and I don't know how I will come out of it." Briefly he closed his eyes before resuming...  
  
The last couple of years the Centre has been completely giving itself over to the dark side of science. This was further exacerbated with the coming of Lyle and Brigitte and the rising in power of Raines. For a short time even Mr Parker had a change of heart with the pending birth of his son.  
Lyle's scheming nearly sent the Centre into a spiral of evil and nearly caused your father's death. A pity that the pull of power was too strong for your father to resist for long. Than again, had he not clawed and schemed himself back into the saddle, the Triumvirate would have taken over completely, this time with Raines and Lyle firmly at the helm. That you father still hasn't done away with those two schemers is still beyond me.  
Just saving the children is not enough this time. (-"Here we go," said Miss Parker-) Yes, Miss Parker, you know as well as I do, that if we stopped with only saving the children currently present at the Centre, they will start up their diabolical practices the minute we get them out.  
We also know that this time it will not only be kidnappings, or have you forgotten their cloning-programme? The abominations that were concocted in that laboratory... I am not talking about the one good result they had, but all the ones before that. I'm willing to bet that some of the creations which have gone wrong are still locked somewhere in the Centre. There were not enough "spare parts" to make up the number of failures they might have had judging from the evidence in the laboratory.  
Only Pretender-"Material" is given in my care and some cases, which have to be handled with care rather than bullying. The others are given to Raines to be trained as assassins and Specials. I hate to think how Raines is training them. He has tried his hand at creating Pretenders as well and Angelo is one of his sorry results. He hasn't got the patience to wait for several years to see the result and therefore uses means, which are cruel to the nth degree.  
  
"You mean to say that there are more Pretenders?" Jarod asked surprised.  
"Yes, none as good as you are, but still on the road to becoming good Pretenders. And I'm still helping them create to them," Sydney hung his head in shame, "To all intents and purposes, it's what I am good at doing. It doesn't give me as much pleasure any more..."  
"You bastard," shouted Jarod and this time it was Miss Parker who looked worried, "After all that has happened to me. After all that you know that is going on and the knowledge what they are doing with their skills, you still help "create" them?"  
"Yes, but..."  
"Oh, yes, you don't feel the same pleasure anymore! You are just as bad as the others. Worse, you know that what you are doing is evil. The others thrive on it. How can you?"  
"Do you want me to say "No"? Do you want me to hand them over to Raines and his kind? In this way I will be able to guide them to a more constructive rather than a destructive way of thinking."  
"It is still wrong, Sydney," Jarod pleaded.  
"I know! That's why I want to do something about it. It has been preying on mind for a long time now. I know we can't turn the clocks back, but we can find a way to stop it!"  
"How, Freud?" chimed in Miss Parker, "When you talked about saving the children from the Centre, I could feel some affiliation with that. I might even give you my full support." When she saw Jarod and Sydney look up in surprise, she continued, "I have had my doubts over the years as well, you two are not the only ones. Finding out that my mother was involved in the initial escape, tells me there must be some good in it.  
But when you are telling me that you want to go one step further and expose the Centre and the Triumvirate, then I think I have to stop you there. I would be the last person on Earth to have to stand in your way doing it, but I will also be the first person to stop you if your actions mean that it will hurt my father and all that I have believed in for my whole life.  
I realise that what the Centre is doing is not completely above board, but it is also my life's work! My father is the Head of the organisation. What do you think would happen to him if the Centre's exposed? If the authorities don't get him, the Triumvirate will. What will happen to me? Or you? Or Broots? Thought of that yet, Einstein?  
I don't give a damn what happens to Raines and some of the others, and when it comes to Lyle, I hope he burns in hell for all I care.  
But I can't let you bring my father down! And he will go down if what you propose is going to happen, one way or another. Maybe I should have left you in Raines' care, knowing now what you propose to do! For how long have you been betraying us, Sydney?"  
"I haven't, Miss Parker."  
"And I have to believe that? How many times has your "clumsiness" saved Jarod from being caught? Too many to count! How many lies have you told me? I can't even begin recounting. I bet you were even glad when Labrat here escaped." She could see the hurt in both men's eyes, but she continued, "I trusted you, Syd, I really did, but I'm not sure anymore," she looked forlorn, just like the little girl Sydney used to know, unsure of the whole situation.  
Sydney's voice dropped to the soft voice, which normally surrounded her when she was feeling depressed or rejected by her own father, "You can still trust me, Miss Parker. You know I would do nothing to hurt you. If there is a way to keep your father from harm I will find that way. But you also know that we can't let the Centre continue as it is. They are too much under the influence of the Triumvirate now to be called anything but evil. We have to stop them before they go too far and there is no way to turn the tide.  
If it means that you will have to kill me to stop me finding a way to do so, than kill me now and have done with it. Because you will have to kill me to stop me from trying to do what I think I have to do. At least, at your hands, it will be a clean kill.  
You can then bring Jarod in and live happily ever after, knowing that the Centre is safe. But you can't stop me from planning the downfall of the Centre and the Triumvirate." He looked her squarely in the eyes, but she could detect a hint of sadness there.  
Sydney looked at her and saw the dilemma in her eyes; she was torn between her loyalty to her father and the Centre and the trust she had in Sydney. He hoped he had gambled right.  
  
She stood up, her face as cold as ice and showing no emotion. Without betraying it in his face, Sydney sent up a silent prayer, it was over. "Sorry, Jarod, for failing you," he thought silently.  
She stopped at the foot of the bed and looked at him, "Do you really think you could get away with it, Freud?"  
He shrugged his shoulders, not trusting the strength of his voice.  
She reached in her pocket (-and was pleased when she saw Sydney slightly wince in anticipation-) and withdrew her cigarettes. "Let him sweat a bit," she thought. She lit one before continuing, "Did you really think you can pull it off? And get my co-operation?" She was pleased to see that he was at a loss for words. He had scared her as well, let him be scared for a change.  
Jarod, not realising the game she was playing, pleaded for Sydney now, "Miss Parker, even if you don't agree or don't want to co-operate, you can't kill Sydney!"  
"Why not, Ratboy?"  
"He has been the only one who has ever been there for you... us... Without him, who will protect you? Who will be there for you like a family?"  
"Don't assume too much! I can protect myself pretty well, thank you. I don't need a shrink or his pet-experiment to do so. (-This time she had hurt them both. Good! Next time they might consider her anxieties as well-) Family? What sort of family keeps so many secrets? What sort of family asks another member to either kill or betray?"  
When she looked at their guilty and sad faces she couldn't keep up the charade much longer and laughed out loud. Confusing the two men thoroughly, "If Sydney can find a way to keep my father from harm, because however bad he might have become I still love him, and to bring the Triumvirate down than count me in!"  
The sighs of relief were almost audible.  
Jarod ran over to her and hugged her in the strongest hug she had ever encountered. His face was almost childishly joyful. Tears of relief were unashamedly coursing down his cheeks. She tried to wriggle out of the hug embarrassingly, but he didn't notice and gripped her stronger.  
"Let go of me, you... you..."  
"Admit it, Miss Parker, you need a hug!" Jarod held her at arms length and smiled at her.  
She frowned at first and than smiled back.  
Sydney had dropped back into the pillows, completely drained and not believing that Miss Parker had just agreed with him and let him live. The gamble had paid of, but how?  
"What made you decide to agree, Miss Parker?" He asked softly.  
She turned round to him, extricated herself from Jarod and sat down by the bed, taking his hand in her hands, "You, Sydney. For the last couple of months I too have been unhappy with the proceedings of the Centre, especially after Thomas' death. First they stole my mother, then my childhood and then my lover. I didn't know what to do either. As did you, I could see that the Centre's objectives were becoming more evil. I can still remember the look on my father's face when Mtumbo showed who was the real boss of the Centre. The shame on his face! Or that he had to go on the run himself to stay alive.  
While you were speaking to us, I could remember that Jarod has been helping me to unravel the secrets of the past concerning my mother and that, for a while, I was still thrilled with the chase but not the pleasure of capturing him. I could remember that he was doing good deeds even while we are chasing him. He has to have those values from someone. He wasn't born with them!  
I could remember that you were always there for me after my mother died. Knowing before I sometimes knew myself that I needed comfort or advice. Not that I always wanted your advice or your comfort. Always putting my feelings, or others', before your own and I knew I couldn't kill you. Neither can I give you up to the Centre, for if I did it would be better if I killed you on the spot. God knows what the Centre will do to you if they ever find out. Probably a slow, lingering death or brain damage if it was up to Raines. I knew I couldn't let that happen to you.  
Baby Parker, sorry, Andrew... I want him to have a normal life, not the twisted ideas the Centre will have in store for him. I don't want him to end up like Angelo or Lyle.  
I don't want my father to get harmed either. It is true, he is not showing me any fatherly love at the moment, especially not since Andrew was born. But as you have pointed out to me so often, it is not because he doesn't love me, but because he doesn't know how to show his love to me. And I remind him too much of my mother.  
All things considered, your idea of stopping the centre and the Triumvirate to extent their power limitless is a very valid option. That means that you can count me in." she looked up and smiled at his tired face. He smiled back and squeezed her hand, too overcome by emotion.  
Jarod moved to the other side of the bed and laid his hand on Sydney's shoulder, he also had a smile on his face, "You can count me in too, well, as long as the Ice Maiden here gives me a bit of respite to think up a plan." Miss Parker gave him one of her special frowns, which was normally preserved for Broots. It didn't work on Jarod. "Well, since we all agreed, what can we do about it?"  
"We have to work this out in detail first. Think up a plan as watertight as can be. Than move in. We can't make the same mistake my mother and... the others made or we will never get the chance. We all let it rest for the moment and in about week I will pick up Sydney. Would you be all right than? (-Sydney nodded-) Good, that's settled than." She stood up to gather her things and shrugged into her coat, as if she had just been visiting the manicurist, "I'll see you by the end of the week than. Here? (-Jarod nodded-) Okay, Sydney, you take some rest. And, Jarod, forget the hug, no repeats of that. Bye than." And with a smile and a wave she was gone.  
  
When the two men were alone, Jarod sat down by the bed and looked up at Sydney, "Will she really join us? Or will she run to the Centre and betray us?"  
"Jarod, we will have to put some trust in Miss Parker. Had I not had a small hope of her joining us, I would never have told her. Or maybe I would have done anyway and am suicidal and too cowardly to end it myself.  
"Sydney!"  
"Honestly," he took a deep breath, wincing when he was reminded that deep breaths were out for the moment, "One part of me hoped that I hadn't misjudged Miss Parker and the other part hoped that if I had done so, I wouldn't want to live anyway. She is right, though, I am a coward at heart. Clinging to life, as if that will bring me happiness. You called it the Survival instinct, which is also true. It is my sixth sense, my second nature, but I must admit I developed it almost into an art form to live by. Justifying everything I did with it. But it isn't right. Hopefully I can redeem myself."  
"You are too hard on yourself, Sydney."  
"Am I, Jarod? Is it right how I have treated you over the years? Is it right that some part of me wanted you back at the Centre, while another part of me wanted you to be as far away as possible from the Centre? Is it right that I am still creating Pretenders? Hard on myself! That I have been pussyfooting around myself is a more honest description."  
"You did what you had to do to survive."  
"And that makes it right? No Jarod, it is not as easy as that. I know I have much to be guilty for. I am not without blame. To even think that would be an insult to both our intelligences."  
"But we are going to set it right, aren't we, Sydney?"  
"Yes, Jarod. If we can find a way to do it and to keep Mr Parker safe as well, we will."  
"It will be difficult!"  
"More difficult than it would have been in the past."  
"Do you think Miss Parker will give us enough time to think up a plan?"  
"I think she will. She is unhappy too."  
  
Sydney could see that Jarod was already using his Pretender-skills to start forming a plan and he had no doubt that this time they would succeed.  
For the first time in days he relaxed and let himself drift off to sleep and the nightmares stayed away.  
This time they had to succeed!  
  
THE END  
15  
  
  



End file.
